FILM TESTIMONIAL - "Our World's Collide"

    After shooting “The Runner” primarily in the early portion of fall, 2013 I went into a lengthy period of no production, which was so foreign to me after shooting so much between the spring and the fall of that year. I had three large projects I began moving on but I had tried to take a step too far before I was ready. Two of the three projects I dedicated a lengthy amount of time to before realizing they were just too large for me to carry on by myself. I needed a level of help and money that I couldn’t get at the time. I first wanted to delve into my growing Catholic faith and what I saw as numerous complications and hypocrisies that were going on not as a result of the faith but as a result of the way people use their so-called faith. I wrote about 3/4 of a script titled “Man of Faith” about a gay man very prominent in his church. He had been outgoing with his sexual orientation with everyone except those in his church for fear of their reaction. I wanted to address a lot of things that were bothering my about most mainstream Christians, specifically the notion honestly held by some that “gay people cannot be Christians”. Where the hell that sentiment came from I don’t know, but anyone who isn’t bothered by beliefs such as these needs to take some time to think life over. I wanted to addressed the way in which we so easily alter our perceptions of people based on one piece of new information. And certainly coming out about one’s own sexual orientation to a vastly religious group would in some ways fit in with that. There were various other issues and ideas I put together for the film, but the focus was getting at the way we behave towards each other as human beings; it wasn’t even really all that much about homosexuality as it was human behavior.
    After I shelves “Man of Faith” because I felt like it just wasn’t coming together the way I wanted I chased two other films including a feature which I spent almost three months setting up only to have to put it aside when it became obvious that I wasn’t ready to take that on yet. That alone ate up about six months of my life. I found myself needed to really get back to work and be honest with myself about where my capabilities were at that time. I was having the filmmakers equivalency of cabin fever. I was both pissed and relieved when I had to put my feature aside because it was honestly killing me because I just took way too much on. The plan was to begin shooting at the start of May 2014 on that feature and I had to shelve it at the end of April. I took about a week off but I had that active artists voice nagging at me, feeling like I was losing time and I needed to get out there and work again.
    What quickly came to mind was a script I wrote back in the fall of 2011 I believe, that was really a talkie film wherein the genesis of the idea I think was to attack homosexual stereotypes in mainstream film. I think that’s really where it came from. But of course going down that road of making a message film made for lots of talking and not a lot of substance. I had just become so annoyed over time with the way that Hollywood claims to be so liberal and progressive and yet they so often cop out in regards to gay characters. Gay men are always hair dressers, secretaries, interior decorators, etc. I’ve known a good number of gay men and none of them have worked in positions like these but they get stuck in them because they’re positions that many regard as overtly feminine. And the same can often be said for lesbian film characters. That was such an annoyance to me, as I think many other things in mainstream film can be. That feeling made me say if I do a film with any kind of homosexual theme involved I  was going to do it without making homosexuality the focus of the film, meaning I was going to present the given gay character in the film not as a gay person but as a multi-dimensional person who happens to be gay. I was going to make sure to humanize the person in a way that so many other films had failed to do in the past.
    That’s where the development of the character Kayleen came through, who was a woman who had just been fired from her job under accusations of sexual harassment from a female co-worker. I then interjected a character named Becca, who was fleeing from an abusive relationship and had found herself stranded outside of Kayleen’s house. Fearing her abusive husband’s pursuits of her she hears a tire squeal down the road and immediately assumes it’s her husband coming and charges blindly into the nearest home for shelter, which happened to be Kayleen’s home. In what was about a 12-page script about six pages of it was a long conversation the two women had about their perspective life problems before the husband arrives on the scene and the women have to protect themselves from him. I scripted the piece and shot it I believe in October 2011 with two very qualified actresses who did a great job. But being new to the film program at school I did not have access to great equipment and shot it with a miniDV camera, which would have been great twenty years ago, but just came out boringly auto focused and yellowish. Another hurdle I encountered was while pursuing an actor for the abusive boyfriend role I found that lots of the men responding looked like men who actually were abusive towards women. At the end of the day I slapped the camera on a tripod and play the abusive husband myself.
    So, of course, the film suffered. What was fairly decent cinematography for a serious novice in the area still learning about blocking, shot listing and all that hullabaloo gave way to stagnant imagery once I had to also step in as actor with no crew on to help. For the time it was a decent piece of work, but with my sitting there at the start of May, 2014 looking for a new project to get on fast the changes that could be made to make it a more serious piece of work began flooding in.
    First off, I couldn’t make half the movie two people sitting and talking and then random action filling the rest of it. I knew I had to take that long talk the two leads have and break it up so it wouldn’t get so still. To address this issue I took notice of another mistake I made in the initial script of the film, which was that I gave the two women’s life problems even standing, which was way off. There was no way that Kayleen’s problems were at the same level as those Becca faced. So I decided to make the focus of that serious talk the problems that were happening in Becca’s life. Then the problems Kayleen faced are more allowed to gradually come out over the course of the film. I also knew I needed deeper character development and thus scripted an extra probably 7-8 pages of events that happen leading up to Kayleen coming home and Becca arriving shortly after. For some reason, not really sure why, I altered the names: Kayleen became Kendra and I altered the spelling of Becca to ‘Bekah’.
    I had actually considered shooting and had briefly cast the film in early November, 2014 as a smaller project to do following “The Runner”. But I had become so investing in doing and moving forward with “Man of Faith” that I don’t think my heart was ever really into doing it. It was just a simple short piece that I felt I could do more with. In hindsight then it was best that I didn’t do it back then, wherein I probably would have just blazed through the whole thing and lost a lot of the emotion and realism that could come from such a story. Around Thanksgiving I was still a little on the fence about it and then I lost the actress I brought on for Kendra and it just went away. What’s most significant was that at this time I had not made many of these major changes to the story yet that would occur in the version I finally shot. The early additions, the dialogue and pacing adjustments, they all likely wouldn’t have happened. But I even had positive reactions to that initial script, which made me feel if I could do these changes and make everything stick I could come away with a very strong piece of work.
    Delving into a film about domestic violence, in particular violence by men against women, is nothing new for me as far as being in my thoughts and ideas. Like practically everyone, I have people very close to me who have experience violence and assaults carried out against them. I did another film called “Intersection” that was more an avenue to get me more experience working with my camera, but the film followed the lives of several female characters, one of which was fleeing from her abusive husband. It was like Bekah to a T, but I was never happy with “Intersection”. It was more of an exercise than a film for me and it shows. Some parts were shot right after I purchased my DSLR and other parts were shot several months later when I was in a better workflow and you can see the ups and downs of the cinematic qualities in it. Oddly enough, some of my favorite cinematography was in the first character I shot in the piece, which was the very first thing I shot in general with that camera... but I’m getting sidetracked. I’ve written and reflected much on domestic violence. My first legitimate film, “The Way We Are”, was about a woman who was a repeat rape victim; again focusing in on an element of violence against women. When all is said and done however, as far as conveying the real and raw emotions of a person living in constant fear of the supposed “love of her life”, I never felt like I had really tapped into that and I wanted to make that work with a more full-fledged and expanded version of Bekah’s character.
    And finally I updated the final climactic moments of the film. In the original the husband (who because the “Boyfriend” in the remake) manages to knock Kendra out in a scuffle and drags Bekah, kicking and screaming, to the door and manages to get her out on the porch. When Kendra comes to she manages to get to her feet and grab a cord. Unseen by Bekah or the husband struggling on the porch, Kendra comes around and whips the cord at the husband’s feet, tripping him up. He falls, strikes his head against the porch railing and falls unconscious. Kendra then steps up and wraps her arms around Bekah, confirming to her that she is safe. I wanted to make the conclusions a little less, for lack of a better word, anticlimactic. Everything dragged, the timing didn’t fit and so on. So I managed, with a few years of better writing skills to my credit, to create a much more tense, dramatic and fast-paced ending. But of course, for the sake of not giving too much away before the things even made available for others to see, I’ll keep the new ending under wraps.
    It didn’t take long to get this one going as I had been trying to get an 80-page feature going for the previous two months. So a 26-page script was a walk in the park.It was relatively easy to cast for. I had four characters, which included the introduction of a friend between Kendra and Bekah named Danielle. I brought on my friend Laura Welsh, who has now been involved in six of my projects. She had been in four by that time, all of which were comedies and I wanted to get her into a more serious piece I was doing, even if just in a minor role. Danielle’s character is only in the film early, serving as an initial and yet unknown correlation between the two leads before they are even aware of one another’s existence. So bringing Laura on was a relative quick and easy decision.
    Then it came down to casting the two leads. Interestingly enough, in both cases I went with the first people I auditioned for the roles. For Kendra I brought on Karmen Spiller, whom I had done a short silent comedy about two years before. It was a pretty fun little shooting experience and here, a few years later, she stumbled onto my posting and thought I’d give her a shot. With out only past experience being a goofy, sped up black and white comedy about two drunk soup kitchen employees I had no idea how she would fit for a much more serious role. But I could tell right away that she connected both personally and from an acting/character portrayal position with Kendra. I was then thoroughly impressed with the reading she did, which was for one of the most dramatic scenes in the film. I wanted to see who out of those I met up with could pull off diving into the most emotionally gripping scene in the whole piece right out of the gate and she hit it not only the best but the most realistically; really the direction I wanted to go in.
    And then there’s Bekah. For Bekah’s role I brought on Myra Wicks who I primarily just knew as an acquaintance through Facebook. When I posted an add for the film she responded almost immediately and offered to have me come out there to look at possibly locations to use for Kendra’s home, of which about 2/3 of the film was to be shot in. The location she showed me was perfect, a home wherein the kitchen and living room area were just one large room which left everything very open. Such was incredibly beneficial when it came to shooting as far as where the characters moved around in the film and also as far as making the shooting experience easier without having to navigate around lots of corners and tight spaces. It was so great to have that issue off my back early on. But Myra still had to audition for the character and having never worked with her before I had no clue what to expect. And honestly I only really had the past version of the film I shot to go with as far as having a feel for how Bekah’s character would behave. The actress I had before I felt played the character well but she played Bekah more melancholic than emotional. So in those early stages of having just revamped the script and doing my first audition I was still kind of in that mindset as far as how I saw Bekah’s character behaving. It took be a little longer to really try and get into that mindset and come to grips with the pure fear that would come with what Bekah was experiencing and the risk that she was taking. The full on emotional aspect hadn’t hit me yet. Then Myra came in with her idea as to how Bekah would behave and very early in the ready she began crying, which I for some reason had not seen Bekah doing at that time. But in the crying and shaking she brought out those real raw emotions of not knowing what the next moments could hold in store for a person. She stole the character right there and maintained that emotion through the shooting of the film.
    Whether it turns out to be my best work or not, the shooting of this film was the most fulfilling and invigorating experiences I’ve had as a writer/director/filmmaker. Despite a few scheduling hiccups the shooting process was a breeze and we all connected and bonded so well. There was literally not one argument or butting of heads or ego eruptions by anyone. It was so pleasant and so free flowing even though the subject matter was so intense. When we got to the most serious moments of the film we literally had to take a few breaks because the emotion was running so high and so consistently. And my crew consisted of four total people. I brought on two to work as PA’s doing various assisting work such as slate, script supervision and so on. For that we brought on my friend Cassidy with whom I had done a few little pieces with before. She was able to help for a couple days and was invaluable on the second day of shooting as she was the only extra person on that day. Our other PA, Dorothy was just another lucky case, in that she stumbled onto a posting I placed looking for help on the project. She ended up being a wonderful help and just a generally fun and interesting person to work with. She took to her PA duties incredibly quickly even though I believe she didn’t have any past experiences.
    We were even lucky enough to have a replacement sound guy, Sean, come and help us for the last few scenes of shooting... but I’ll get to that drama. For the other four days of shooting we had sound guy Tim Kahn on to work the boom mic and do sound mixing. I was so lucky to stumble onto Tim’s path and I had actually initially brought him on for my feature that I was forced to postpone. But needing a sound person for this new project I just asked him and he was immediately on board. And he worked completely for free, even though he was on for four days of shooting. It was such a gift to have someone not only so experienced in capturing sound but someone who was so in the zone with his craft. I never had to ask him if he needed help with something or check to make sure he was doing something right. I knew I could trust him right out of the gate to get what I wanted. It was just so free flowing, I feel like I may have been a little bit spoiled by the experience.
    In being able to cast so quickly we were able to jump into shooting in early June, shooting three days in a row between the 10th and the 12th. The first day we shot all of the Kendra scenes leading up to before her going home. This included shooting all the parts with Danielle’s character, which was primarily a brief conversation the two of them share when Kendra discovers she has just been fired under allegations of sexual harassment. That was a fun start to things. The first scene we shot was that conversation. I picked Risley Park to shoot at, on the southern portion of Oak Grove, only a few blocks from where I lived for almost twenty years. I had always remembered it as a nice park and very quiet. Every now and then there would be a few kids running around or a couple people playing basketball, but that was about it. We made it about 45 minutes into shooting before a neighbor right next to the park had his landscaper start hacking away at his yard and literally he did not stop for the remainder of the shoot there aside from a minute here and a minute there, which was all we had to find a way to finish everything. Instead of wrapping there around 11:30 a.m. it was closer to 2 p.m. Not the world’s greatest start to a film shoot, and that combined with the fact that I hadn’t shot anything serious for about eight months was making the situation even more difficult. Getting through that first scene though was the only great trial when it came to actually shooting. But I can remember feeling like I didn’t know how to deal with the issue, like I had backtracked from where I once was. But fortunately it became more like riding a bicycle as time went on.
    After making it through the brief Danielle period we had a small collection of just Kendra parts to shoot and once we got to the end of the first day I felt myself getting more back into my groove. The second day was a small portion with Kendra’s character but was primarily focused on Bekah’s character, and hence Myra’s first day of shooting. That day went fairly well right straight through. After having a full day completed with my two leads I felt even better about the choices I had made. And the best work laid ahead of us.
    Our third day would be the first to be shot in Kendra’s home. We moved everything from the southern Portland neighborhood up to Washougal, Washington. The focus of this first day was to get as much done as we could with just the two female leads, saving anything that included the Boyfriend character for later. Those days we shot at the Kendra home location were, all three, incredible in terms of us all coming together and really bonding and forming a nucleus with each other. The big final pieces we did were the long conversation that the two share and a scene a short while later in which Kendra comes out about what’s really going on in her life. But that main conversation they share, wherein we really see the explosion of emotion from Bekah as far as her life circumstances. It’s also the only real long stretch of dialogue so both in terms of action and line memorization it was the Mount Everest of the film. The first few takes were really more just the two characters getting comfortable and adjusting to the overall feel of the scene. And they were doing really well. But then shot four came, wherein I first moved in for a super close shot on Kendra’s face. Than moment, I think really for the first time, Karmen and Myra completely connected and bonded in real life much like how they were supposed to in the film. That would be the first take where I actually saw tears form in Karmen’s eyes near the end of the scene. From that wonderful take they were able to keep that emotion strong literally through to the end of filming.
    But even after those three solid days we still had, what I assumed, would be one more long day with the Boyfriend. Now since I had begun casting the one role that was always lingering up in the air was the role of the Boyfriend. When I planned on shooting the piece back in the fall of 2013 I had brought on an actor named Patrick Green who’s been in a lot of stuff around Portland. He was still a possibility when I revived the project but he just had too much other work going on. I next asked one of my close acting friends Jeffrey Arrington to play the role and he was on for a little bit but again we just could never make the scheduling work. I then went to another close acting friend, Josh Rice, who couldn’t make the scheduling work the first time we rescheduled. I found another actor to fill the bill for that last day, but unfortunately or fortunately Myra got sick and we had to postpone that last day. Because of that postponement we had to wait a couple weeks before everyone’s schedules synced up again. But because of that postponement we were fortunately able to make the shooting day work with Josh.
    Now my previous workings with Josh included two projects. I met him while shooting a silent film for a film studies course and he played the male lead. We immediately became friends and I helped as a DP on a film of his a few months later. He was then slated to play the lead in the feature piece that I was forced to put aside and since we had been in talks so long for that it only seemed right that we would still be able to work together in whatever I did next. And with Josh’s busy work schedule it was convenient to have him on in a smaller capacity. However, in being friends and having worked on more casual projects together I had no idea that he would be able to hit the nail on the head the way he did in playing the abusive Boyfriend. He took on an almost monotone voice and a lingering, almost unchanging facial expression, in particular with his eyes. Whereas Karmen and Myra had made the emotional connection so strong earlier with their performances alone, Josh came in and made the fear of his scenes equally as strong. More than anything else, the moment in the film that was the hardest for me was the sequence after Kendra had been knocked out and the Boyfriend grabs Bekah and tries leading her to the door. Shooting it was all right, even with the emotion that came with getting through it. But in viewing and syncing all the footage the one moment where I had to stop was watching the shots on Myra playing a shaking and crying Bekah as her Boyfriend dragged her closer and closer to the front door (the presumption being that if he got her outside it was all over for her). The footage for that was the hardest to watch.
    We powered through what was supposed to be the last day of shooting, but with it reaching 8 p.m. and us being 11 hours into shooting I suddenly hit that wall. I became exhausted and almost incoherent. I was no longer able to control the focus on my camera. I knew, even with only two scenes left to do that we needed to stop. Rescheduling was surprisingly easy... at first. Everyone determined the following Tuesday worked for us to finish. And it would only take a few hours... Josh also worked as a fire fighter during the summer and he wasn’t 100% sure at that time when he might be called out so whether we could shoot hinged entirely on that. But we were struck with the good fortune that Josh wasn’t going to leave until later that Tuesday. This was an incredible stroke of luck because once he was gone Josh probably wouldn’t be available for two to three months... just to finish one scene. But we had to begin a little earlier to make sure we got done before Josh had to leave. So I spread the word and got the message out to everyone that we had to start earlier. This was on Monday, less than 24 hours before we were to shoot this last day. I then found out that Tim was having health issues and was not going to be able to make it.
    Suddenly I was thrust into a situation of not knowing what to do. We had little to no time to find a replacement and I was working until the evening hours with no internet access to put out a message or last ditch effort for a replacement just to get through those last scenes. So I did about the only thing I could think of and outsourced it to Myra who, in the eleventh hour, managed to find us a sound guy she had worked with before. Somehow, some way, the shooting day managed to work out and we got everything done after a total of a bout six weeks between all the shooting days. That final day went about as well as all the other days and the final climactic moments gripped everything exactly how I was hoping.
    But beyond everything working out, having a good piece to work on and everyone getting along this film was a major game changer for me. Sure, it was a lot more dramatic than most of my past work and it was my first real foray into a film with some actual physical violence, brief although it was, but it really boosted my confidence as a director. I had always looked at myself in the artistic way, as a good writer, cinematographer and editor. I had always directed my own work for the sake of knowing the pieces better than anyone else. It was often convenient and sensible. But by the ending of this film I found myself flooded with compliments on my directing style, which confirmed to me why so much other work in my past had been successful. And while much of my other work had been fairly good I was always used to it being just a fairly pleasant, here we go, it’s done now, thanks thing. But Karmen and Myra were particularly complimentary towards me, which I wasn’t very used to in the past and sometimes, honestly, I didn’t know how to handle it other than just saying thanks. But I’ve had time to think it over more and really come to terms with how important this project was for everyone involved.
    I also feel like that experience has launched me into the next level as a filmmaker, as someone who can find a venue and more visuals for every project I do now and in the near future. I managed to punch out a 40-page script for my next project in about six hours. And I’ve found the reaction from actors to be more positive just to the script ahead of time than I have in the past. All at once things are really coming together more than they ever were before. And I’ve found myself connecting much more strongly to female actors, in part because I prefer to have female leads and to work with actresses. That’s just my thing, I find female characters to be more dynamic and more compelling. So I have felt a boost there as well. “Our World’s Collide” really had a profound effect on me and everyone else involved and I am so glad that I waiting to shoot it when I did, making sure I was ready and making sure that I really had the best people possible to perform in it. Score one for all of us! 

The Importance of a Powerful Opening

How many times have we all looked forward to watching a movie for the first time or were stuck not knowing what we want to see, then we try a certain something out and five minutes later we’ve already switched to something else? Happens all the time, unless of course you are so lazy that once you start something you don’t have the energy to turn it off. But we get lost because whatever we started didn’t grab us. And with the influx of film productions in recent years with technology where its at pretty much anyone can make a film. Such has, in some respects, diluted the quality, originality and captivating qualities of film. And sadly, as independent film has grown, theres lots out there that tend to lag along with no real build or arch and they leave viewers like me wondering why I wasted my time.

Even a fairly novice filmmaker should know the importance of making a film start strong and end strong as well. But still that’s lost on many, even at the professional level. My strongest suit, as I’ve discovered in the past two years or so, has been in the realm of drama. I feel so much more driven when I can do film about the types of things that really happen in this world and in many cases that takes a turn towards the more painful and problematic. I have always felt a strong connection and sense of compassion towards people who struggle under means that they did not create and either cannot or have extreme trouble controlling. My first serious film was about a repeat rape victim encountering the first man who attacked her years later. Since then I have done films focused on the loss of loved ones and just recently finished a piece centered on both domestic violence and social issues regarding homosexuality in our society. And at this very moment I am prepping for production on a film about a woman struggling from the effects of withdrawals from prescription drug addiction. Needless to say then, I feel I am at my strongest when dealing with those aspects that cause us and those around us the most pain, but they’re often things we can find solace with over the course of time and, in particular, through the care and compassion from other people. And that’s not me being corny, that’s just psychology. That’s why, no matter what we want to believe, we need the concern and influence of others in our lives and such is why loneliness and isolation make us feel so damn miserable.

In pursuing these types of issues in constructing storylines they open up for a variety of different directions one can go in without becoming overly dramatic or breaking up the ability of viewers to suspend their disbelief. Because of the variety of different directions one can go with these types of stories they also make for great chances to create twists and unexpected turns not only at one point but throughout the film. It has hence become a theme I go with in terms of beginning a film that I like to start with a scene that grabs your attention while also forcing you, as the viewer, to pose questions about what just happened and what is to follow. And if one has questions posed on the opening of a film they are more likely to continue watching because regardless of how they feel about the film as a whole they want to find the answers to those questions.

For instance, in a film titled The Runner that I shot in the early fall of 2013 the film follows (spoilet alert) a young man suffering after his fiance’s death in a mall shooting, only to discover in the end that she died shielding a young girl from gunfire. While this doesn’t bring his lost love back from the dead, it combats his depress and frantic sadness in his prior beliefs that she was simply the pointless victim of gunfire. But this twist is not discovered until the end of the film and after the lead develops a close friendship with the mother of this young girl who survived. Within the film, we see that the lead, Cal, has only one coping mechanism when he becomes overcome by the sadness and that is to go out and run and run and run until he can handle life again. With all these later details yet to be known, the opening scene begins very calmly along a running trail at Oaks Bottom Wildlife Reserve on the southern edge of the Portland city limits. So it begins quietly with visuals on the trees and lilac fields and bees buzzing along flowers only to have a shot where Cal suddenly cuts in and the mood changes completely. We begin tracking with Cal as he runs and it’s still relatively relaxed but not as much. We are just watching a man who looks like he’s out on a casual daily run... until he starts running faster... and faster... and faster and suddenly he’s in an all out sprint as he heaves for air. He keeps going and going until he’s on the verge of collapse and he stumbles to an emotionally shaken and drained stopped. We make a quick transition from the calm and quiet of a beautiful natural setting to a man running himself into the ground and seemingly on the verge of emotional and physical collapse. The viewers perspective is flipped on its face and they are reeled in because on the outside of the film they have to make such a leap. On top of that the viewer is immediately asking those questions I discussed earlier. Namely: what the hell is wrong with this guy? Why is he running himself into the ground? Is he just a disciplined runner? Is he a marathon runner? This film is called The Runner so is it just one of those dedicated runner Steve Prefontainish films? Is this an emotional reaction to something? I mean the questions can go on and we’re literally only two minutes into the film.

And the questions continue as bit by bit little details are revealed and visual symbolism is presented that give clues as to what has this man so troubled. From there we discover what it is that bothers him and are able to delve deeper into his psyche and look at his obsessive running from another angle, a place of knowledge. Even by this time we are still asking the ongoing question that remains unanswered till the end which is: what were the circumstances surrounding his fiance’s death? Was she just a chance victim; wrong place at the wrong time? It’s always important to make the viewer ask questions because we are inherently curious creatures. Someone says, “This stinks, take a smell?” and despite the fact that we already have a good reason not to smell we do it anyway because we just want to know. How many times have we got a song lyric or a line from a film stuck in our head but we cannot remember where it’s from and so we spend forever dwelling on it until we find out where it’s from? We need to know and so a film that doesn’t give all the details away is tailor made to be both captivating and to keep a viewers attention till the end. It’s seldom the type of film someone’s going to tune out from or walk out on halfway through.    

Running the Show

If I had to give one piece of advice to anyone thinking of taking on the responsibility of proving an artistic point by writing, producing, directing, shooting, editing and promotion a feature length film production that you've budgeted less than $2,000 for I wouldn't be the predictable one who says, "Well... don't." I would just say don't do it unless you not only know but also feel the importance and the potential success and significance of the production you are making, and I mean feeling this long before you begin serious pre-production. And what is the artistic point I intend to prove? That it is utter bullshit that in order to make a great film you need an astronomical budget and an astronomical crew of people to do it. Granted yes, if you intend to do an epic film with lots of coverage, lots of extras, a mix of exterior and on-set shooting and plan on doing lots of post-production/special effects work in the aftermath sure you need a lot of people. But that's not what I am talking about. I am talking about, directly, the notion that it takes a lot of people and a lot of money to make a "great film".

I am now only 11 days away from beginning production on the film, which will consist of nine 10-hour shooting days between May 2nd and May 16th. My lead actor, a very skilled and beyond courteous individual is willing to work for essentially no pay (and because he's the lead he'll need to be there every second of every day of the shoot). Another of my leads is coming up to Portland, where I'm located, from Medford in southern Oregon. For those not familiar to the geography of Oregon, Medford is about a 5 1/2 hour drive to Portland. She is willing to make this drive twice (and was willing to make it more times if necessary). And she's willing to work for just transportation costs. The same is for my primary female lead, who will be on location for seven of these shooting days while attending school four days a week and working a nighttime play performance at the same time. Again, working for practically nothing. Now I understand time is money for a lot of people, but these three leads have acknowledged both the true originality and emotional drive of the film's story as well as their genuine love of acting, which I am sure plays a major part in their willing to do so much for so little... at least on the outset.

I am not a well to do individual at this time. I am still a somewhat obscure filmmaker, but obscurity doesn't necessarily mean predictable, easy to pass over and the like. Sometimes it just means you're one big moment away from becoming that recognizable face. And that's not everything. I'm not going to lie, no matter how humble or modest we are or try to be there's always that part of us that, at least for a moment, wants to know that their talents and skill have been recognized and appreciated. But for a real talent it has to go beyond that. If your objective is just to get paid or just to get attention you're either going to find yourselves completed thwarted for your lack of perceivable talent or, if your lucky, maybe find some brief success before everyone else realizes how low your commitment is. To me, sappy though it sounds, love and commitment are critical in this practice and necessary to incorporate into the practical and technical side of things. And I've seen the difference personally. I've shot lots of films wherein the budget was practically non-existence, and by non-existent I mean that in the most literal sense possible. Back in the fall of 2012 I shot a film as a college portfolio project, a piece I've written about previously, that ended up being a strong piece of work. I've managed to bring on strong talent, both acting and crew-wise, just in showing them that film, which gave them a strong feel for where my talents lay. I'm not referencing that to brag but to make a financial point. I spent less than $50 on that particular film (and most of that was gas money to cover the travels we made in shooting the piece).

Before this time I had a hard time getting people to work on my projects, specifically because I didn't have a budget for my projects, but on top of that, when I first began I was not even very certain as to whether I wanted to pursue filmmaking as a serious career objective. I had the interest but the dedication and discipline was not quite there and people can sense that. If someone is going to work with you, especially if they don't know you, they have to be convinced you know what you are doing so they can be sure that they're not wasting their time jumping into a project that isn't going anywhere, or worse, a project that gets done and is flat out horrible on completion. That's something I've learned and am continuing to learn. Every project I engage in is a massive step up from the previous and this one that I am only days from finally embarking on is several times more significant than all of the rest. It makes for a lot of extra work, lots of extra stress, but when it's all done I will have proven my point and also shown that when you love something this much you will give everything you've got to make it happen, even if a lot of it is on your own. I'm not planning on making all my future projects this much of a one-man operation. It's not practical and hey, I don't want to end up in the hospital from exhaustion after not taking any time off. It's easy to do a decent short film and do most of the prep-work yourself, but to do a feature, that has the potential to be amazing, that's a whole other story. Most of the crew people I have brought on for this film are also people I am working with for the first time who are willing to work for next to nothing. And again, these people have been willing to come on for their love of film and the production process, but were primarily sucked in by the storyline. It's uplifting to see that so many others can see the same things that you do and it makes for an environment wherein everyone will be on the same page.

And, before I depart, I have discovered just in the past week that I have developed an allergy. Yes, after  over 25 years of life going allergyless, I now have my first and have had to adapt to that annoying experience. It sure picked a great time to suddenly pop up, but despite having had to blow my nose off and on for the past couple weeks it's just something you power through. Tissue has become my new closest companion, but I am still rolling. Production starts May 2nd! Wish me luck everyone!    

Looking At the Generations - Optimism Transcending Pessimism

    I spent a long time criticizing the younger people of this world, and it was very convenient for me to do so when the widespread presumption is that with the expansions being done in technology us younger people are all just a mess of brain-dead peons more focused on making it to the last level of a video game that the societal structure of the civilization that surrounds us. In taking this belief for automatic truth because, again, well if the media is telling us it, and a bunch of middle-aged and older folk who are so often bitter and jealous of the young are telling us it well.... it must be true. And when I held this belief, knowing that I was trying to learn and feel a sense of concern about the world I live in so that things can expand and get better instead of spiraling downward I felt like I was part of an almost microscopic minority. It worried me to an incredibly degree. I felt like the generation I was living in might have what it took to turn things around a little and keep us on an even keel but this younger generation behind me, born into the world of the internet and cell phones, never knowing a world without them, I had serious doubts as to the type of world we would have once that generation grew up and became the one’s who had the power. I saw a future of continuous decline because I assumed so much of this young generation would be so coked out on video games, cell phone apps, and texting that they would become completely blind to the problems of this world and especially in their own country.

    That being said, I am happy to say my perspective of this matter now it not so pessimistic. Over these recent years I have found something, for myself, which is that in this younger generation, of which being 28-years old I still consider myself a part of and closely connected to, is far more perceptive than I previously gave them credit for. It gives me hope for the future against all these fears that technology is going to overcome all of us and turn us into robots more or less (which wasn’t something I’ve really bought into all that much in the first place). It’s funny that in this day and age I hear so many people acting so critical over the behavior of humans and talking about how horrible we are and while, yes, we are flawed... very flawed, much of this widespread criticism often applies to a relative few but is held over the heads of the many. We talk about the crooked politicians we have, the struggling economy, poverty, problems with the educational system, widespread drug problems, medical and heath care fiascos and so on and so many reach the conclusion that we’re all a bunch of deadbeat, brainless fools for letting this all happen. And to a degree that’s true but at the same time we have so many people born into this world that are left ignorant as to what goes on in it and the media, believe it or not (I’m sure a bunch of you will say I’m scapegoating when I state this), paints a picture of society that those in power want us to believe in. That way, if the reality of what is really going on “behind the scenes” so to speak amidst our government and those in power, it often seems too ridiculous to believe. So the media paints the world we’re used to and keeps hammering it home to us so we become less and less suspicious. The media is one of the primary things that has concerned me with regards to the younger people. Another presumption I had was that the young would soak up so much of what the media spits out that they’d live their lives is misguided naivety.

    Once again, to my chagrin, I’ve been proven wrong to a degree. Amidst this deep and dark distaste for so much of what goes on in our country now and the people living within it I have fortunately discovered something much more pleasant and uplifting within it. In the sometimes crazy and lost demeanor of our country’s young people I have found compassion and love the likes I find remarkably absent in our older generations. So many of those I know who are around my parents age, late forties and up, are so bitter and narcissistic. They are so focused on their own problems and, weather they do or don’t, so caught up in how hard their lives are and how much harder they are than the lives of the young people. In some cases they’re right and some they’re wrong, because I’ve found a good many of these middle-aged folk have very little to complain about but do so anyway. And how these people conduct themselves is critical to understand because these people are the parents of this younger generation I am speaking off. I wrote a rather lengthy piece about two years back when I took notice of serious rifts between many of my friends and their parents. But beyond my noticing that in some cases these parents were already derelict in even their most general parenting responsibilities it was still their children that were expressing far more communal and responsible behavior. That was one of my first recognitions that I was wrong in many ways about this young generation. Even my personal experiences with this middle-aged generation, in particular with many patriarchal figures, has left me speechless on occasion and dumbfounded in others.

    I have just found such an essence of self-centeredness and a complete lack of openness in much of this older generation and I’m certain some of this comes from the world they grew up in. This lack of compassion I have found in the older generations applies to many of those who hold the most power in our country, these obviously being older people who moved their way up into a place of power and are now reaping the rewards... to an extreme excess. Now obviously this does not apply to all people of these older generations, I’m not trying to make it out as though these people are all a bunch of sociopaths or something outlandish like that. It’s just that this is one of the greatest faults I see between older generations and the younger ones. And then, of course, when we call the older generations on their, for lack of a better word, “bullshit”, they always have those age old comebacks like “well, you’re too young to understand”. Again, in some cases and with some people that is accurate, but in many cases it is a blanket statement laid down by people who still believe in the myth, or at least want to believe that age automatically brings you wisdom. I’ve met some very ignorant, very misguided elderly people who chose to be that way their whole lives and thus don’t know much more now than when they were young like me. But to presume that age makes for more intellect gives the older generations an escape hatch. But this doesn’t change the nonsensical nature of the whole thing.

    But I hope this change will make for even greater generations, those that will follow after the youngest one we currently have. Not to sound like a Miss America candidate, but I hope with this change I have seen in the young will lead to a more compassion in the next generation, which will be the children they bare. And maybe this will make for a more peaceful future, but furthermore it will continue an ever-changing path in the human condition, but it will be changing in a positive direction. This may allow for stronger fighting and a counterbalance to what is definitely psychopathic and sociopathic behavior among those who represent our nation’s wealthiest 1%. If the people in general continue to change and become more passionate about what is right it is only going to expand the positive vibes which will hopefully lead to greater happiness and stock that we take in ourselves. This will hopefully lead to greater education which will not only help us act more cautiously and intelligently about those we choose to put in power we will utilize that power over the government that we as the people have but hardly ever exercise. These are lofty goals, I obviously understand that, but I am merely trying to lay out a general blueprint of what I see becoming more and more possible in the future just through my examinations of the young people in this country.

    My inspiration to begin writing on this subject was spurred on by an article that popped up only recently in reference to a student protest that had occurred at a high school in which a former student at the school had committed suicide. Reportedly school officials chose to turn a deaf ear on the occurrence, pretty much acting like it didn’t happen. But this was a former student at this school and thus the student body there knew him and, no doubt, many of them were friends with him. In reaction to the school’s dismissive approach to the situation several students skipped class and engaged in protest. Ten years ago I might’ve said, without knowing all the details, “Shut up and go back to class!” I would have been like these passive school administrators and probably not even noticed. But I looked at this particular one and my reaction was, “Good! No matter what the school says you stand up when you know something’s wrong.” That gets to the heart of how my perspective on the young has changed is because I see situations like this occurring everywhere wherein the presumably ignorant and not fully educated young go up against the school hierarchy of older folks who stroke their ego with presumptions that they’ll be able to use their authority and misguided sense of superior intellect and sway these younger people. But in watching the video that one of the students captured at this protest in which the principal, a despicable human being I could tell after only seeing him for two minutes, I saw a young student body who saw right through the facade.

    For those who haven’t seen the video or haven’t heard about this little story, and probably many haven’t since it only recently occurred (and I hope it gets more and more attention), the principal walked in on these protesting students, some of which were incredibly and understandably vocal about their beliefs that the school’s approach to the situation was wrong and equally justifying the actions they were engaging in. What has made the situation such a major issue is the fact that shortly upon his arrival he expressed that he was very disappointed in these students for what they were engaging in, a comment in which one of the students replied that they were disappointed in him (the principal) as well, which was met with applause. After this moment, no doubt violating law and the basic fundamental functions of the first amendment of our nations Constitution, the principal had two officers come and arrest this student that had expressed his displeasure in the principal. A typical example of a power-tripping jackass. Just an egotistical, deplorable obscenity on the face of the earth and yet he has power over a whole American high school. The arrest is visible at the end of the video wherein the student is seen sprawled out on the floor with his hands being cuffed behind his back.

    It was this arrest for merely making a statement that the given student had every right to make (and when I was in high school trust me I heard students say and do much worse things to members of school personnel and yet I have no memory of any of them being arrested for their actions) that has made this situation start to blow up as it has. But in watching the video my attention was captured by something else, something which bothered me so much more than the desire to arrest one’s own student for utilizing his right to free speech. After quieting the rousted crowd for a brief moment the principal managed to get a few words out and what he had to say was so remarkably heartless and unfeeling I scarcely see how such a fiend could wake up in the morning and think he has the right to savor the same air that his student body does. He proceeded to call this protest, which again was conducted by several students of the school’s decision to not even recognize the tragic death of a student, suicide though it was, a joke. Based on the structure of the way he spoke it was relatively clear he was not calling the protest a joke like it was a prank conducted by students to get out of class, but he referred to it as a joke in the way you callously call something a joke for being absurd. Like if a perverted police officer pulls an attractive woman over, prepositions her and when she reacts defensively he arrests her you’d say that police officer is a joke. How this principle, the head of a particular institution in whose purpose in to help educate and develop their own little portion of the youth of this world, could call an act of compassion that his students were putting on a joke is astounding to me. These were young people dealing with the tragic death of a friend, a young person whom at least some of them were friends with. This was a tragic and sensitive situation and these students were in pain over it. And, pardon my language the emotion is beginning to come out, but where was their school’s fucking compassion for them in this time of need? What did they choose to do about it? Well let me tell you, they chose to treat it like an inconvenience instead of a tragedy. They were so pathetic and lazy about the situation that they didn’t even try to do the classic cover job by walking in and playing the overly sensitive card, the old, “We understand you’re sad and hurting, but in skipping class you’re only hurting yourselves.” Yeah, sure skipping class (regularly) does hurt yourself and adversely effect your advancements in educations, but that nonsense doesn’t matter in cases such as these because those in power seldom are thinking about it in that way, but rather they just want to make the situation end without a lot of fanfare. I tell you what, if these school districts cared half as much about their students as they do about their image they’d have nothing to be worried about because the students would be happy and engaged and their districts would we a living and breathing success story. But apparently logic like that just makes too much sense for “real world” school districts.

    I looked at this situation and I pondered how a psychologist, and honest to goodness psychologist would look at this (especially if that individual were a school psychiatrist or one that generally worked with young people). If I were one I would be aghast as to the total unfeeling nature of this school’s principal and I’d probably want to step up and punch him in the face repeatedly until he passed out, the hopes of which being maybe I knocked him about enough to allow the reconfiguration of his brain and a reassessment as to his fucked in the head mode of thinking. I just astounds me, but in that light of positivity it is abundantly clear that the student body was buying none of their principals idiosyncrasies. And thank God for that. It was just a further reminder that this presumption that the young are all irresponsible, brainwashed, technologically hampered miscreants is a complete and total lie. The only positive I can see behind situations such as this one occurring in schools in the future is that it will provide other student bodies with direct examples as to when the powers that be behave in a completely outlandish manner, which at the same time playing the government’s game that who we really are is not who we are on paper (to paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. a little bit). We’re supposed to be the land of the free, the melting pot, varying diversity with different and gripping cultures all over the place, but those in power remember that in order to keep their power they have to try and keep us silent and stupid. Dissent is equated with terrorism, treason, Communism and pretty much any other kind of title when the American people stand up for themselves. It is my hope that in experiencing this effort to keep everyone silent and inline like cattle, as was clearly the case in this high school wherein the principal boots out anyone who criticizes him while demeaning the pain and suffering of his student body, these students will discover this mode of behavior, prevalent by our current government and those major corporations that control everything we see, buy and so on at an early age and thus catch onto it much faster. Then when they go out into the “real world” and have to get a job and so on they’ve have a much more keen eye on the insanity that goes on around them.

    More than ever I have a positive view on these younger generations and their desire to bring about compassion and understanding as oppose to living in the denial that because we’re America we’re perfect and know every damn thing there is to know. I consider myself a very intellectual person. I several years of college education I sport better than a 3.8 G.P.A. having an excess of 200 college credits to my credit. I’ve been smart since I was a child and have had that reinforced by practically every I know, but when it comes to true compassion, in it’s most pure and simple form, my generation and even those a little younger have taught me things that on my own, in my own little box of intelligence, I had never really taken the time to acknowledge in the way I should have. Being intelligent is one thing. To read a text or take a study course and discover new information is one thing but to gain new knowledge in whose genesis stems purely from a stream of compassionate humanity is truly a life changing experience. No matter what it is you learn it is something that will forever change the way you believe. It’s helped me check on myself more and never be presumptuous that the way I believe is somehow inevitably right (everyone else just needs to figure it out for themselves). Change is frightening, we all say that and yeah it is, but the revelations that often follow are worth the stressful transition. I find change to be incredibly invigorating and eye-opening. Each time you change it’s often a shedding of self-centeredness and if that change comes in accordance to insight into others the effects are even more invigorating because the sensation is one that makes you feel like you’re being drawn closer to those around you. Instead of disassociating from those close to you your sense of community to your fellow man/woman grows stronger. And that’s what has happened to me watching these younger people stand up for what they believe is right and willing to risk overreactive behavior by those older and in power. When someone abuses their power on you it’s often a sign that they’re nervous and threatened by you (translation, you’re getting your point across). And it’s very sad, in the case of this school protest these students were not looking for kicks or just being rebellious and trying to piss their school personnel off, but rather were showing the care and compassion that their school wasn’t willing to express. What they were doing was showcasing a capacity for basic human love and feeling. Something is attainable by the most uneducated, financially poor, lost and misguided souls in this universe because it doesn’t require book knowledge to understand but rather an understanding of the human heart and a sense of love over hate for the people of this world. We are really very fragile people and so we often act out in foolish ways and sometimes are overaggressive to others when they act out, but when we realize that none of us are perfect and that when we make mistakes it’s not worth creating the next great American crisis over we find a way to not just live together but to live closer together.

    I’m reminded of the first anime convention I attended in 2008. I have no great love of anime, there’s a few out there I like, but I had some friends going and I just thought it would be fun to accompany them. I felt a little out of place sure, and I noticed a common theme at these conventions is that people would see others whom they‘d never met before and, sometimes based on the outfit one was wearing, the other would charge them and hug them. They’d compliment each other on their outfits, get pictures taken together. It felt very strange to me wandering around, and I experienced much of the same when I attended the same convention again in 2011. I found myself being the victim of a few random attack hugs from various people at the convention and I felt it was so weird to have these people whom I’d never met running up to me and complimenting my clothes and throwing their arms around me. Granted such is not an everyday occurrence when you’re on the bus to school or venturing about at your job. However, after some time passed and my heart softened and became more passionate and caring than it has be at times in the past I had pause and considered this behavior specifically in the context of being at a convention. And it was then I posed to myself a very simple and fundamental question: “What is so wrong about a stranger hugging you?” It was in considering that question and reflecting back on the blind love and appreciation these convention-goers showed to each other that I found great appreciation for the enterprise, even though, again, I’m not a big anime fan. And again, those one the outside for the most part like me, who aren’t really into anime probably look at these conventions and scoff, seeing them as a waste of money and time more than anything else. But, of course, these people can easily paint that bleak picture because they’re too self-centered to remember that simple human truth that we are all different and love different things. They dismiss conventions like this because they have no appeal to him/her specifically (an ignorant excuse for dismissal that I am so glad is a habit I shed years ago). They choose then to pass lazy conclusions that are inaccurate because they don’t take a moment to engage in deeper thought and consider the basic question as to why so many would take interest in such a convention if it’s so pointless. Obviously there’s something incredibly attractive there. But it goes beyond anime and getting to play dress up. It’s, like so many other things, an opportunity for people to connect on things they enjoy, but beyond that they have an overwhelming love that is so strong that they’re able to spill it out on random strangers without hesitation. It is this that so many may look at and think is bizarre but at the same time is something I look at and think is truly beautiful (and another example of the younger people of this world expressing a powerful sense of love and compassion that I see lacking so horribly in the older generations). So I feel I can go to sleep tonight and in the nights to come feeling more positive about the possibilities of the future and even feel a sense of excitement as we look ahead at what our country can become in the future and where we can make great changes for the better. And that being said, it’s getting rather late so I should probably take some of my own advice and run off to sleep now. Good night everyone, and don’t lose hope! We’re all a lot stronger than we realize.  

FILM TESTIMONIAL - "The Runner" (September-October, 2013)

    It took another couple months before I made it all the way out of this period of total confusion (which I discuss in my piece about my short film Trapped). It was after this time, into the late fall of 2012, that I started reflecting back on that past relationship and discovered that it was one of the greatest mistakes of my life. I still look at it that way and wish I could go back and change the past. But as well all know, this cannot happen. Only a few days before the start of 2013 I made an effort to try and, if nothing else, to see if we could start again, only more slowly and see if we could find our way back to what we once were. But it didn’t happen. She was seeing somebody else and said that she was happy. I was hurt so badly by this, because I knew then I had to try and let it go. I wasn’t going to be that creepy home wrecker. We have managed to go back to being very close friends, which is incredibly rare for those who were once in relationships. We’re still close, but there has always been that longing I’ve felt to try again and see if we could make it work again. Even now I still feel this way. But back then, when my efforts fell through at the end of 2012 I spent two months in a funk. It was really hard to get out of that because I was the one that pushed for the break up so I couldn’t even blame her for not giving me a second chance when I was the one that screwed everything up.

    I remember feeling this sense that during that time our love was dead and gone, you know how we behave when we’re having to climb out of that hole of feeling rejected. I remember feeling like I would never have a chance to be with her again and so what we had was, more or less, dead. Somewhere during that time I was pondering potentially sad story lines either for a short story or possibly a film. While pondering this there was an event that had occurred locally that I think was slipping into my mind and pushed forward the idea for The Runner. On December 12, 2012 a young man walked into the Clackamas Town Center shopping mall, only about eight miles from where I live, and opened fire with a Bushmaster assault rifle. He only managed to kill two people when his gun jammed. That shooting really hit at home to me, and I’m assuming a good many people around the Portland area. Portland, Oregon has seldom ever been that city known for having a major tragedy occur. We knew about 9/11, but that happened 3,000 miles away. We saw the bombing of the Arthur Murrah Federal Building, but that was in Oklahoma City. Hurricane Katrina happened in the states along the Gulf of Mexico. So many major tragedies have occurred in America, but they often occur a good distance from the Great Northwest. Now a shooting was happening right in the middle of the Portland Metropolitan Area.

    I think this shooting started making me think about what I often think of when I hear about a large tragedies where people’s lives are taken. I started thinking about all the people who’s lives were effected in this shooting. One can say well, we should be happy that only two people died. That is easy to say when nobody you or I know gets killed, but what if one is connected to someone who is killed? It effects us in various ways. Somewhere along that line I connected that feeling of lost love with the idea of a random shooting, where someone who is loved is suddenly gone in the blink of an eye. I developed the lead character, Cal, who had experienced losing the love of his life in a mall shooting. Hence, the lost love aspect. Like what I was feeling about my past relationship, Cal realized and felt there was nothing he could do to get the love of his life back. The focus of the film then is about how this one man’s life changes as the result of this loss, and how far his sense of loss could go.
   
    From this I knew I had to give Cal something that he needs to do in order to cope with this loss (much like what I was doing in preparing this screenplay). I chose to give him a running compulsion. This allowed me to use something I actually had experience with and apply it to this character. I had started doing track and field my freshman year in high school and by my sophomore year had added cross country to my list of extra-curricular activities. After graduating high school I had maintained exercise and found myself to be as healthy as I ever had been. However, there was a negative side to that. During 2005 my uncle had moved in with my family, opening up old wounds from his childhood relationship with my mother, who was depressed and drinking. Life at home became unbearable at times and I would frequently go out on runs, one, to just get away from home, and two, it was a form of release. This same thing came up in 2008 when my parents first discussed separating from each other, leading to their ultimate divorce in 2009. I found myself unable to deal with it at times and once again did my best to get away from home as much as I could, which included going and working out everyday. I had a lot of anger and hostility that grew during this time both towards my parents and about feeling lost in my life in general. I would release that anger and frustration through going out and running. From that I developed this character Cal who after losing the love of his life began running because it was one of the only ways he can find release to deal with his sadness and loss.

    In these two regards you could say this film has more of myself in it than any other film I have produced to this time. But I wanted this film to be about more than just a man dealing with the pain of losing someone he loves. I wanted there to be something deeper about and, obviously, I needed to find a resolution to the story. I knew right away this was not going to be a film where everything could be wrapped up with a bow when all was said and done. No matter what happened this loss was always going to be with him. So what I felt would be the best resolution was that there was going to need to be a support system of some kind for this man, who upon the opening of the film has disassociated himself with practically everyone he knows. He needed some support and he needed to at least begin to make peace with what happened to his girlfriend. I wanted there to be a mystery to this film as far as what happened to Cal’s girlfriend in this mall shooting. I did not want the viewer to know how she happened because that was necessary for Cal’s character, who refused to hear any details about the shooting for fear that he would not be able to handle them. However, it was still necessary for me to decide what really did happen to his deceased girlfriend so that revelation could be made in the end of the film. On top of that, the way she died had to be something then that he could handle. That was a key issue I needed to address in structuring this film.

    In close proximity to the shooting at Clackamas Town Center and even the theatre shooting that happened in Aurora, Colorado during the summer of 2012 a robbery occurred at the theatre I worked at. I was not at work that day but again, the potential for violence had literally moved into my place of work. Right after that occurred and around the time I was first putting together The Runner I had an incredibly vivid dream wherein a man broke into the theatre where I worked with a large firearm. As the chaos was beginning I took notice of a young blond-haired girl, probably around four years of age, just standing by herself on the edge of the lobby. I looked up at the man with the gun who turned and his eyes locked on that girl. By impulse, I took off running towards this little girl and dived right in front of her, shielding her from any gunfire that might occur. Right after that occurred the dream seemed to fade off and I don’t know if any gunfire occurred or what happened from there, but I do remember the feeling that struck me as I was running towards this girl. I thought to myself, “I’m 27-years old. I’m still young and I hope to live much longer.” But then there was this small child there who hadn’t had the chance to experience what I had. This little girl hadn’t experienced getting her driver’s license, going to prom, making it to college, finding a career and so on. With that thought in mind I felt required to step in front of this girl and take whatever bullets were fired.

    In thinking about that feeling and that whole idea of taking a bullet for someone else I started to think that would be such a wonderful thing to apply to Cal’s dead girlfriend. In taking my experience and applying it to Karen (the name of Cal’s girlfriend) suddenly there’s a change in the whole mood of the film. In discovering at the films conclusion that Karen’s mysterious death was not a random chance shooting of a stranger but rather the actions of a heroic woman shielding a child from premature death there would be such a catharsis in that experience. But more than anything else, in this film where we experience Cal, a likable young man who we feel great sympathy for because of his loss, and we see him lost in pain throughout the film we discover that his greatest fear, as is often the case in real life, is not the reality of what happened.

    During this period of creative flow, a beginning, a middle and an end coming together I discovered the final piece of the puzzle. I knew I did not want this to be a one-person film even though the focus of the piece was on this one man. There had to be others there. In addition to adding the small role of a counselor, who Cal sees so that he has someone to talk to who is not emotionally involved like his family and friends would be, I added the role of a young woman named Maggie. I did not merely add her so as to stick another character in the film, but I had come up with another twist to include to the story, which would also add to the overall catharsis of the film’s conclusion. If I was to make the death of Karen come as the result of shielding a little girl from being shot, what if the mother of that little girl were to become part of the story. So in entered Maggie, a girl with a troubled, imperfect past who also took to daily runs like Cal so as to release and feel better about her life. Again, with this knowledge as to how Karen died not being revealed until the conclusion of the film we experience the connection between Cal and Maggie begin from a chance encounter and then we see it develop into a close friendship, and through all of it he has no clue of this connection he has to her and her daughter.

    The focus of the film begins on Cal and the isolated life in which he lives and then, through meeting Maggie, who is a spritely, outgoing young woman, he finds a position where he can open up to someone who doesn’t know him and is not going to force himself to talk about anything he doesn’t want to talk about. As their bond grows he opens up more and more. Having been there with her daughter when the shooting occurred and then learning that Cal’s girlfriend had died in the shooting, Maggie becomes intrigued, especially in knowing a woman was killed shielding her daughter. Researching the case she discovers that Karen and the woman who protected her daughter were one and the same. Therefore, going into the films final climactic moments not only are we driven by the emotions of Cal, but we find our focus swayed in part to Maggie. We see her become more and more emotionally overcome, knowing the truth and not knowing how to get Cal to talk about it, which he is completely unwilling to discuss the case. Then ultimately discovers a solution: have her daughter tell Cal. It’s easy to push off an adult who wants to discuss something but when a small child wants to discuss something with you, you are more apt to listen whether you want to or not.

    This requires us to meet Maggie’s daughter, Emily, at the conclusion of the film. This made for the first time ever in which I had to find a child actor for my film. Such was an interesting experience and, being novice to the whole idea, filled me with lots of concerns out of the gate. First off, I knew finding a child actor for a small independent film would obviously require me to work through the parent of that actress and I had heard so many stories about crazy parents trying to push their kids into success in show business. On top of that I knew I had to be as honest and legitimate as I could in posting an add for an independent film looking for a child actress, especially considering the fact that I was posting through Craigslist, and you never know what kind of nutcases are going to stumble onto there. But when all is said and done it was a remarkably simple process. I found a 10-year old girl named Lana to play the character of Emily and was able to work with and chat with her mother, who was very positive about the idea of her daughter being in a film but, in obviously being a moderately professional woman, was able to cary on a coherent conversation with me about how much time it would take, scheduling, when the shooting would occur and so on. Lana ended up being a joy to work with. She was full of positive energy and she performed the character even better than I expected when I first started looking for a child actress. One can see both the concern, energy and lack of understanding for what really happened in her portrayal. I was incredibly happy with the way things had turned out.

    This concluding scene was shot in just a little over an hour as scheduling was incredibly tight with my performers and after that day, which was a Sunday evening, I was going to lose the girl I had in the role of Maggie for at least three weeks, and likely more. We managed to just barely get it done while there was still enough light. It was a wild weekend in mid-September. I had first decided to actually shoot The Runner near the end of July and spend much of August organizing the film and trying to get it prepared to shoot. I had wanted my friend Jeffrey to play the lead of Cal, who had played the lead in another film I had shot several months before (in The Way We Are). However, when we met up to discuss the film, after he had expressed strong interest, he was already prepped to go to the east coast on other work for a short period of time. He was initially going to come home around the start of September, but his stay was elongated and I knew I was going to have to find another actor. Weather in Oregon often takes a quick turn once September turns over to October and Jeffrey wasn’t going to be home until the end of September. With all of the exteriors to be shot I knew I couldn’t wait and then risk having the rainy weather role in. The actor I did find, Bjorn, was actually someone I had responded to when I initially posted looking for an actor for the role, but never heard back from him. After I found that Jeffrey was not going to be available I reposted looking for an actor and Bjorn responded again. This time my response to him made it through and we met. After meeting up I found that he was friends and had studied acting with several others I knew. We spoke for almost two hours and when all was said and done I knew I’d found a good fit for the role.

    I had cast the role of Maggie over a month before, while I was still in the workings to get Jeffrey in the film. And in between I cast the roles of Emily and the role of the Counselor, which was another small but highly important role in the film. It was nearly the end of August when I finally had my casting complete and then I found another problem arose. Nicole, who was playing the role of Maggie was, again, going to have several weeks where she was not going to be available. Sunday, September 8th, was the last day she was going to be available probably until October, when again the rainy weather was likely going to begin. With September already beginning and having to work with the availabilities of my two actors as well as my child actor, who had very tight availability, we got our first day scheduled for Thursday, September 5th. The initial schedule had us getting a few scenes done that day and then having a long shooting day on Friday. Saturday was up in the air so I did not schedule anything. And then there was Sunday wherein Nicole and I would meet up early to shoot any parts of the film with just her and then meet up with Bjorn and Lana to shoot that concluding scene. It looked like we were going to cram over half the shoot into these three days but after squeezing our Thursday shoot in through a few sprinkles it began to pour, and it poured the rest of the day.

    Knowing Friday the 6th was going to be our busiest day of filming I must have woke up fifteen or twenty times in the middle of the night, every time listening for the sounds of rain hitting my window. Even waking up early the rain had been going on all night and hadn’t stopped for over fifteen hours. It was 8 a.m. and we were scheduled to start shooting at 10 a.m. Logic said we needed to postpone and I had to hope for the best on Saturday. Fortunately this worked out and we were able to reschedule for that day. What was most annoying was within five minutes after we canceled on Friday the rain stopped and it was cloudy but dry the rest of the day. Nevertheless we held off and Saturday ended up being a peasant and sunny day. We fought through an 8-hour shooting day in which we mostly shot down by Oaks Bottom before finishing off shooting a significant sequence in the film at Tryon Creek State Park in northern Lake Oswego.

    Every day magically fit within our restrictions of shooting. On Thursday we had two major scenes and a short one set to shoot in Sellwood. We had until 3 p.m. before Nicole had to leave and we finished at 2:45. On Saturday she was only available until 4 p.m. and we finished around 4:10, still leaving her time to get to her later appointments that day. And finally, on Sunday, I met up with Nicole around 1:30 knowing we had to meet again in Sellwood to shoot the Emily scene by 5 p.m. to get that done before the sun went down and conditions got too dark. Nicole and I managed to get all of her shots finished and we arrived in Sellwood at 5:15, just barely able to shoot the Emily sequence before the sun disappeared behind the west hills. Despite all of the restrictions and difficulty in scheduling, we got everything we needed to shoot with the Maggie character finished and all we had left were two more days to shoot the remaining scenes and sequences with just Cal’s character. After this busy weekend Cal and I met up on Tuesday the 10th. Despite meeting up early at 8 a.m. it was one of those hot September days where we were pushing 90 degrees before noontime. Such was fine for me, but the whole focus of the day was shooting scenes where the Cal character was running. Therefore, for over six hours that day I had Bjorn running all over Oaks Bottom and a little at Mary S. Young State Park in West Linn during that time. But he kept going and I think he enjoyed the energy and the action of the shoot.

    The following we we had a short shoot in which we shot the four scenes that included the Counselor character. That shoot was incredibly simple and fluent. It only was four pages of script or so and we shot through it in about two and a half hours. The last day of shooting, which ended up being postponed for almost a month after all these other shooting days due to scheduling conflicts, took place at the home of a co-worker of mine who was kind enough to open up his home to shoot the sequences of Cal while he was at home. This shoot was again only a few pages and was fairly fluent, being taken care of in about three hours. And with that, being late October, the shooting of The Runner had finally been completed.

    All that was really left for me to take care of was some foley audio. I had to record a collection of running sounds to fit into certain moments of the film wherein matching audio had not been captured. To my surprise, because I simply went out alone with my sound mixer and recorded what I thought would match with those moments that needed ADR audio, the audio I captured was fairly easy to cut in with the footage used. This was also the first film I shot in which I hired someone to compose a soundtrack for the film. To this point I had just been using royalty free music. But this was one of the largest film projects I had ever produced and I knew I wanted an original score for it. I was pleased to see that in the first two days after posting an add I received fifteen responses. But I quickly decided where I wanted to go, going with a composer named Trevor Smith. My greatest concern was hiring on a composer who would provide me with what I would call a “droning soundtrack”. By this description I am referencing those who produce music that is the same bland overtones over and over again without any highs or lows or any real melody. Lots of people think they’re composers but make music with no feel. When I checked Trevor’s link to his website one of the first things I noticed was that he had a mix of different types of music. He had upbeat, electric music on there, guitar tracks, piano tracks, driven percussion tracks. Just seeing that he had a diverse collection of music up there made me feel that if I posed to him the style of music I was going for he would be able to put it together and put it together in a way that would work well for me.

    When we met Trevor had already done a practice track that he allowed me to listen to and, while I ultimately did not use it in the film, it was a strong track and I could already see the vision of a man running on a trail with it. I could tell that Trevor and I were not going to have any problems communicating and understanding what type of music would work best for various sequences in the film. I provided him with a copy of the full script with notations at different moments and scenes and the types of music that I wanted for those various sequences. The communication between us was crystal clear and his music was a fantastic addition to the film. And when all is said and done it was a great feeling to watch this film and know that the music that accompanied it was not just some conglomerate of tracks that I had downloaded from various places, music that was never done specifically to go with what I had created. In this case, the tracks had been done specifically for the film and I feel that connection is clear with the way the music accompanies the emotion and the actions that took place. I have brought Trevor back on to produce the soundtrack for my upcoming film My Inspiration. This upcoming film production will be an incredibly important one for me in terms of how important and unique the story is for me and in moving forward in my film career. I have already been spending in excess of two months working on and preparing the film for beginning production around the start of May and in controlling a film of this magnitude I know that I am going to need reliable people assisting me. I already h ave that with my lead actors and knowing that I could have a rather smooth working process with my soundtrack composer I am more than happy to have Trevor on working with me again.

    Editing the film, that final piece of the piece, was a stressful journey and there are still various little things in the final cut that I have produced which, in watching over it again, I will probably make even further adjustments on. The only real issue is a few color problems. Some shots were just captured in a certain light wherein the saturation of one color was slightly too strong and thus something very difficult to adjust and make look right. But in the process of editing, cutting together the sound was stressful in some places, but getting that color to work out was the largest pain of all. Before producing a current final cut I had produced four cuts before it with the sole purpose of using them to go back through and fix every little problem I could find. I found the little edit problems and the sound problems, but color correction was the greatest pain. I would correct something just a little too far in the other direction or oversaturate one clip just a little bit. Color correction is a disciplined and time consuming practice and sometimes you just have to go back over and over to make sure it’s right. I know such with be the case for My Inspiration when I begin cutting that piece together. When all was said and done I had my longest legitimate film to date, running just a few seconds shy of forty-five minutes (qualifying it as a “feature length” film even though I still consider it to be more of a long short film).

    Working around other projects, the holidays and so on it was a long time in cutting this film together. I was into February of this year before I finally got a final cut done and was able to start sending it out to those who had helped me work on it. While I think it was successful and achieved what I was going for, I still watch it and know I can do better, which is a good sensation to have without saying that this film was a waste of time or anything like that. But I don’t think I could say it’s quite my best work. I say this because those who have seen it and gotten back in touch with me have said just the opposite. Trevor was the first to contact me and he told me the film was beautiful and he has used the film to help promote his soundtrack for it, which I think is great. Kellie, who played the Counselor in the film, also said the film was great and that she loved the beautiful way in which I chose to cut everything together. She told me it was absolutely something I should put into film festivals and I am still considering it, but for right now my focus is 100% on getting My Inspiration off the ground. Perhaps I will do more with The Runner in the near future, but for now I will let it lie for a little while until I can honestly devote the time and energy to get it more attention. It was a fun, fulfilling and uplifting experience and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I’m glad I finally found the push to shoot it after writing it and letting it sit on a shelf for several months.      

   In one of the largest film productions I have put together, as of now, The Runner actually has a much deeper personal connection for me. I started writing the script in January, 2013 and completed it rather quickly. While many ideas just suddenly come to me in a spark and I expand from there, this piece really began as a coping mechanism, if I can put it that way. It was really a painful experience. To understand that we need to track back to the early morning hours of December 20, 2011. There was a girl who I had befriended at the work place in the spring of 2011 and we had begun talking on the phone a lot with each other in early December and it was on this night of the 20th that we both expressed that we had deep feelings for each other. What ensued were the greatest four months of my life, being madly in love with someone who appreciated me more than I could ever imagine. However, in the spring of 2012 I hit that wall where suddenly I got lost in life. I was disenchanted with my job, I wasn’t sure how serious I was about making films anymore. Everything outside of the girl I was with was coming apart and I slipped into a terrible depression for about four weeks, during which I convinced myself that these feelings were nerves about my relationship and we broke up while I was in the midst of this depression.

FILM TESTIMONIAL - "I Love You, I Love You" (July, 2013)

    Of all the works I have done I believe, at least to date, this film has the strongest impact on me, at least emotionally. In the dramatic or emotionally driven projects I have produced I feel that connection to the material, but it always feels halved to me in comparison to this one. This is the only film I’ve made that honestly has pushed me to the brink of tears. At the same time, this film almost never happened. It was a sudden thought in my mind that told me to take the concept of another piece I had done and rework it.

    Back in 2010 I believe it was, back when I was still shooting things with a $229 home movie camera that couldn’t even widescreen properly, I got a suddenly bug to shoot a film short. It ran about ten minutes and, honestly, could’ve been done in half that time. But the idea suddenly came to me about a young man who is very successful and caught up in the work that he does, so much so that he is blind to much of what has gone on around him outside of work. Not exactly a new concept, but the idea as to how what he was missing would become clear is what drove me. The idea of the film was for a girl, who goes unseen in the film, who is in love with him finally decided to tell him, but she does it subtly by writing a love poem and claiming it is for a class she is taking. Realizing how intelligent the lead character is, she claims that she gave it to him to proofread, but upon reading it several times it finally hits him that these words of love are meant for him. The poem is very simple, something anyone can understand, and the last half of the film follows the lead as he tries to understand his feelings and see if they are the same. The last shot is him opening his door when she comes knocking to “take the poem back”. The door opens, at night, and thus opens into darkness and everything cuts to black.

    The film was an interesting idea, but also was a spontaneous project. There was no preplanning or shot listing. I just set up the camera and got several angles of me engaging in whatever the lead was going through. There were a few interesting shot ideas but it was just a thrown together thing so as for me to take an idea I had and turn it into something real. But the overall concept was still rather bland. It was just a guy in his room discovering something about himself. The blandness, along with the lack of preplanning, the poor video quality and the fact that I was playing the leading (and only) role in the film obviously led to it suffering terribly. But I didn’t really care because I had simply done it for fun. It was a short while, maybe six months or so, later that I wrote another short piece, maybe ten pages, about a man who suffers a break up from the love of his life, who is leaving him for another man. An underlying theme of the film was that she would have a car accident after the other man never shows and while she is on her way to beg forgiveness for her actions. She returns home and tries to communicate with him but he cannot hear her and the whole question arises as to whether she is dead or not. We find out in the end that she is not. Once again there was an interesting idea there, but there was something too predictable about it. It had that It’s a Wonderful Life vibe to me, that has been stolen and reused by so many movies; the idea of making a mistake and then when you go to rectify things nobody sees you or knows you. Life becomes a nightmare until the end when everything goes back to the way it was in the beginning, how it should be. But as I was pondering taking up the idea for the first I Love You, I Love You again, because I just loved that idea so much, I knew I had to upgrade the whole thing and actually conceive a script and shot list the piece. So as I was considering how to expand on the original story, the idea from this other script crept in and I started pondering that mystery of not knowing whether or not a character is dead. Taking the essence of that idea, I applied it to the lead in my newer version of I Love You, I Love You and it completely revitalized the whole production. It gave it that arc and that attraction to keep you watching because of the emotional connection as much as the mystery of it.

    In producing this film, which ran a little over twelve minutes, I had shot listed 208 total shots for the film. This was my first effort into really delving into having a mix of shots. It was one of my goals to make the visual constantly change and I wanted to use the same shots as little as possible, unless it was pertinent at a particular moment. I had been so disappointed with the predictable and redundant cinematography of The Morning After and at the same time was so taken with the array of shots I had captured and used in The Starlet that I felt very compelled to do something that complimented that mixture of different shots. While I cut maybe some twenty shots while I was filming this new piece, it was an incredibly quick and effective shoot. At the same time, this was one of those practice pieces where I was testing myself in new ways I hadn’t really reached for in the past. There was no crew. It was just myself and my two actors. It was also early July and I remember that first day we jumped into filming early because even by 11 a.m. it was pushing ninety degrees outside (yes, it gets warm in Oregon too).

    The shooting of I Love You, I Love You was an interesting journey as well because in the midst of the film, and I knew I was going to cut it this way, there are lots of moments of cutting back and forth between the characters. Furthermore, the film starts in the middle of the story, gets you almost to the end and then jumps back to the beginning before leading us back to the end again. So there is a lot of motion for such a short film and I knew it would have to be shot just right, with no mistakes, for a viewer to watch it and understand what place of the story they were in. As far as a chronological description of the revamped version of this film, just like in the first, the female lead, Natalie, writes a poem to the hustling and bustling love of her life, Evan. When he is not home she attaches the poem to his door and when he arrives home from a business trip a few days later he discovers it. One of the few identical aspects of this film to the original is that I used the exact same poem in both films. Seeing Natalie’s claim that she wanted him to read it to proofread it, Evan takes some time to look the poem over, wherein he discovers that this is a poem written for him. What the viewer doesn’t know at this time is that Natalie died in a car accident (tying back to that other script I wrote) right after attaching the poem to his door. So as he reads the poem we see Natalie lingering around him and we are not quite sure what it means.

    Natalie is also seen dressed two different ways. In some scenes she is wearing a purple striped shirt, which represents moments in her life when she was still alive. In this shirt then we see her as she’s delivering the note to Evan’s place and when the car accident occurs. In other sequences we see her in her spiritual form, meaning she has already died. For these sequences I went with the classic spirit/angel concept of a white shirt. This allows one to separate which Natalie is there in various scenes. She wears the white shirt as she watches Evan reading the poem as she is dead by then and, of course, in the ending when the two come together for the last time, she is in that white shirt. After Evan realizes that he feels the same for Natalie, but that she is gone, he is overcome by the grief considering how long they had known each other and how much time they had to cultivate a relationship and he never pulled through because he was too busy to see what was right in front of him. He then goes to a gazebo, one of their favorite places to hang out and speaks to Natalie. She is in her white shirt so she is not really there, although the viewer is not able to put the pieces together of that yet. Then, after speaking briefly, Evan tells her that he wishes he could look into her eyes and say he loves her too, but he can’t because she’s not there. Then a reveal shot from the side and behind exposes that he is there alone.

    From this moment he sits and begins comprising his own “I Love You, I Love You” poem for Natalie. As he writes and becomes more emotionally broken down we experience the events that surrounding Natalie’s car accident and his discovering of the poem on his door afterward. He snaps, breaks down and chucks his poem into the ground, feeling it’s pointless because Natalie isn’t there to read it. But as he sits there crying and the poem sits there mangled up, the spirit of Natalie returns, approaching Evan and picks up the wrinkled poem and reading it over. She sees the words and knows that his feelings are the same. She then steps up to Evan, revealing herself, and in the midst of his efforts to apologize to her she shushes him and, as she holds his written work up to him, simply says, “We know everything we need to know.” The purpose of this statement is fairly clear; that despite the fact that in the realm of our world they are no longer together they both know that they have true love for each other and that is something that will never be taken away. Natalie then walks away and, after giving Evan one last look, vanishes down a long pathway, leaving Evan there alone looking out after her.

    I watch this film and, in particular at the end, I always get emotionally choked up by in, which makes me happy because it’s always a positive when you can be that effected by your own work. I feel we live in a world now a days where we’re so expected to be humble about our efforts that we overdo it and many creative minds refuse to accept the quality of the work they do. But part of the creative venture and our ability to continue at it and get better as we go along is to appreciate the work we’ve done. Don’t take the mistakes we made and use them as an excuse to tear ourselves down, as though we are perfect beings in the first place, but to use them as a remembrance for things not to do in the future. In every film project I produce there are mistakes made and things I find that I know I will address differently in later works. Because of this, the number of mistakes I make in the films I have produced have become less and less.

    In shooting this piece, I managed to break it out over two days and we got the whole thing shot in about ten hours, we were moving that effectively. In one day we shot pretty much everything that happened at the gazebo which, when you watch the film doesn’t seem like much but you see that throughout the piece keeps returning there so there was actually quite a bit to shoot. The second day was everything else, which included the scene where Evan reads the poem and a few sequences that take place outside Evan’s house, which include Natalie placing the poem there and his discovery of it. So shooting was relatively easy. Editing the piece was a whole other story all together. I believe it was almost two months after before I finally got the whole thing finished. And part of that was becoming involved in other projects. I had been hired on as a DP for another short independent film and was even out of town in Seattle for a week as the best man in my friend’s wedding. So there were scheduling conflicts, but outside of that, when I took down a listing of all the shots I had captured it was over ten pages of college ruled paper because I had made up so many shots. Taking that large collection of shots I then had to separate them out based on what moments in the film they were going to be used. This was important seeing as the film goes back and forth so much. If I had just edited based on the initial order in which I downloaded clips I would have been bobbing back and forth in my list of clips while editing it probably would’ve taken an extra month to get it all do. So a key time saver for you editors out there: If you have a lot of shots, break them down and categorize there! You’ve save time and, perhaps, a little bit of your sanity.

    This film was a great test for me in another way. When I had first launched into films, namely the film Second Chances I worked on in 2009, the film was a “talker”. It was almost all just people standing around talking about things. I was still somewhat of a novice editor and the sequences in that film just dragged on. I was one of those early filmmakers who wanted to keep everything in there. If someone needed to think about an answer to something I gave them eight or ten seconds of silence to do that, and these scenes just droned on. Even in The Way We Are, which I shot three years later, I cut about three and a half minutes out because the only real critique I got was that it dragged a little early on. And while I left many of the elongated shots from early in the film in, I did cut things down and it was still clear that I needed to continue in working on my ability for timing and to keep shots and sequences from becoming overly long. However, when one engages in practices such as this it is always easy to overcompensate and begin cutting scenes too closely. This is a critical error as well because it can make things look like they’re happening too quickly. When high schools and kids just screwing around making little films for fun they tend to make this mistake. When cutting between shots and people talking, the moment one finishes they cut the film and start the clip for the next person right when they start talking. This, of course, makes it look like people are constantly talking right on top of each other, which is not how people naturally converse. Even if we are engaged in a stirring commentary and really bouncing back and forth with each other, we still at least need that split second to ponder before we leap in and react to the words of someone else.

    I Love You, I Love You provided a perfect chance to work my skills on this issue of timing with how much the film goes back and forth. And at certain moments the pace with which the film goes back and forth between Evan and Natalie increases and then decreases. There is also a good deal of background music in the film and the cutting of the film connects with that music so in some places the editing had to been in connection with that as well. The soundtrack of the film is actually one audio track, a royalty free track, that ran some twenty-one minutes. The song was essentially a mix of tracks run together, so it was like five or six tracks that were run together to make one. It was predominantly a piano track and it just had such a simple melancholic nature to it that I thought it would work. I was pleasantly surprised to see that it worked out as well as it did.

    After cutting the film together I was fairly happy with it, but at the same time I felt somewhat disappointed. I had that ‘It’s good, but it could’ve been better’ attitude about it, which is an attitude lots of us have about our work, especially initially. When I spoke to the girl who played Natalie, who I worked with on another short project about a month later, I think she was surprised to see how emotionally charged it was. Her response was, “It was really good, I just wasn’t expecting it to end up like that.” I think she felt it was going to be a more linear storyline and that the ending wasn’t going to be as sad. My friend Carl, who played the lead of Evan, and who also played the lead in The Morning After, liked the film enough that right after he reworked his personal website, when he moved down to Los Angeles to continue his acting/modeling career down there, he included the link for the film on there as a piece of work he had been in. He had been in lots of plays, films and commercials up in Portland and there were only a few pieces that he had linked there. So obviously he liked the piece as well. And over time, after watching it a few more times my appeal towards the film has grown and grown over time and it’s now one of my favorites as far as the short films I have produced.

    This would be the last dramatic film I produced before shooting a longer film titled The Runner, which I had jumped into work on within days of finishing shooting I Love You, I Love You. Because it was longer, it took much longer to organize and I was hoping to cast my friend Jeffrey in the lead role but he ended up working on the east coast for several months and I had to go with someone else. I definitely think I Love You, I Love You was the first film that solidified in my mind that as far as my favorite genre to work in would be the drama genre. It helped push me forward in wanting to make The Runner, which was a script I wrote and really liked, but never knew when I would actually want to shoot it. And now I am working on what will hopefully be my masterpiece, at least to this point, a feature length film titled My Inspiration. I have been preparing for production on that film since almost the beginning of the year and am planning on beginning production on at the beginning of May this year. As with The Runner, I had previously been planning on shooting My Inspiration a while back and had shelved it, not knowing when I would bring it about again. But just as well, I have found myself pulling that script back up and realizing that I need to shoot this film and create another powerful piece of dramatic work.