My Take on the Kyron Horman Case (as of 2013)

While I’ve been writing, shooting, and organizing my plans for my immediate future I have recently had it bouncing through my mind to make a documentary film of some kind. I’ve never really made a true documentary even though I’ve dabble in the field a little bit. But if I do make something I want it to be gritty and real, going out and conducting interviews, finding someone to be a narrator for the film as a whole and so on. But while I’ve been mulling this around a little I’ve been watching a whole collection of documentaries the past couple days while I recover from being severely under the weather. Today was just a continuation of that as I woke up feeling just as miserable as last night, called in sick to work, and since then I’ve just laid here feeling my back get stiffer as I watch any odd documentary piece that sparks my intrigue. I watched a piece about the “Wonderland Murders”, which is one of the most bizarre murder cases I’ve ever heard of. I’d launch into it, but that’s not my purpose for writing here. If you are interested, here’s a link to an E-True Hollywood Story on the case (as far as I know it’s the only legit documentary about the case that I’ve been able to find online); http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IO5LGoeAIfg. I warn you though: there’s a shot of a dick like 30 seconds into it.

But anyway, today I gradually transitioned over to films about missing children, which has always been an area of crime that’s bothered me severely, as I’m sure it does a great many people. I’ve seen many things on the abduction and death of Charles Lindbergh’s baby and various other cases. I’ve also seen some programs on the famous and yet in many ways forgotten case of the murder of Jon Benet Ramsey. And most recently, especially since it happened in my own town, I’ve done lots of research into the disappearance of Kyron Horman, who’s now been missing for almost three and a half years with no trace of him discovered. I know those in his family are still holding out hope, as once would expect, but I personally very highly doubt the boy is still alive and if he is I wouldn’t even want to imagine the circumstances surrounding his abduction or what he has been through in the prevailing 40+ months since his disappearance.

In watching a program about Jon Benet Ramsey and then following it with one on Kyron Horman I noticed a significant correlation between the two. No, not that the circumstances surrounding both cases are still unresolved or that two little children were involved, but rather the immediate focus on those in these childrens’ family. Now in practically every missing child or child murder case the immediate family is suspected first. That is practically a given, but if a case cannot be established or if one is being established it is one that is only based on a few elements of circumstantial evidence, that reality has to be deeply understood. However, in our high tech, can’t slow down, there’s too much to see, our attention spans become shorter and shorter and all outside influences seem to be interested in doing about that issue is helping make even shorter. Because of this, people don’t want to do their own in depth examinations into unsolved cases such as those of Ramsey and Horman. But rather they are content to take the investigators and/or the media at their word. And with the media often presenting a case and then just re-presenting the same details over and over again an often singular pattern is established that society keeps taking in over and over again to the point that they automatically presume what they are being told is the God’s honest truth. Then people start talking about it amongst themselves and since everyone is getting the same media they all have the same perspective on things, and again, since people don’t want to take the time to stop and analyze things, they are quick to take many things at their face value even if they haven’t been proven true in reality.

This is what I fear has happened in the cases of Jon Benet Ramsey’s parents and the stepmother of Kyron Horman (and granted has likely been the case in a vast majority of other cases of its like). I had just turned eleven when the Jon Benet Ramsey case broke and I recall very little about it when it actually happened, but I was a well-established 24-year old when the Kyron Horman case broke, and it with it having occurred only some fifteen or so miles from where I live there was an added attention grabber for me. Kyron’s stepmother, Terri Horman, became the focus of the investigations attention rather quickly, and thus she became the focus of the media’s attention. She has been reportedly the last person who was with Kyron before he disappeared (even though her attorney has recently stated that there are eyewitnesses who have claimed otherwise - that story remains to be told).

In the prevailing weeks after Kyron’s disappearance the media’s focus became even stronger on Terri Horman, probably because it was a major child disappearance case and with no crime scene and no other leads she was the only real subject of controversy in the case. It thus took very little time for her to become the suspect in the publics mind. This isn’t to say that Terri did herself any favors in those weeks and months following the disappearance of her grandson. One of the greatest damages at least to her character was when it came out that she had been “sexting” a friend of hers. I personally read the text messages and to keep you all from vomiting I won’t repeat them here. I found them on the internet (they are public records now so if you’re truly interested you should be able to find them). A little later on a former landscaper came forward claiming that Terri wanted to hire him to kill Kaine, her soon-to-be ex-husband and father of Kyron. Either this matter is still being investigated or is has been determined to be a fabrication. If it were true it constitutes conspiracy to commit murder, which is a felony and Terri Horman would have been snatched up immediately. I don’t know weather to believe this story of her hiring a hitman. Of course when the story came out everyone was quick to presume its authenticity, but that’s because, again, the public for the most part had already determined her guilt. While I don’t know the background of this landscaper, it is not too far-fetched for him to have fabricated this story in an effort to gain some spotlight for himself. Such a story would be relatively easy to believe publicly since Terri was already being presumed as the killer of little Kyron. In practically every high profile case someone comes out of the woodworks claiming a connection of some kind and they are proven to be liars or unreliable. It’s hard to say for certain as very little information has surfaced for the publics examination on that matter.

Then there are those instances with which have been considered as evidence against Terri. I won’t go into great detail on each one because there really isn’t much detail that any one can be gone into over. The most significant piece of evidence against her is her consistent mixing up of the circumstances that surrounded her final moments with Kyron. In one of her accounts she claimed that she never went into Kyron’s classroom and yet the now infamous photograph taken of Kyron in front of his science fair presentation, taken by Terri, show that he is in his classroom. She would claim that the last time she saw Kyron she let him go to walk down the hallway to his classroom. She turned away and left before he reached his classroom and apparently no one saw him after that. This seems to be a rather unlikely scenario considering the fact that had Kyron been abducted by someone in this scenario it would have left the abductor probably a maximum of five to ten seconds to snatch up the child before reaching his classroom. And even then, the most deranged psychopathic personality is going to be collected enough to realize you don’t abduct a child in the middle of a hallway at his school only steps from his classroom. And had this somehow occurred, somebody would have seen or heard something. It just defines my logic that the child would have been abducted in such a small period of both time and space.

A common misconception is that these demented people; serial killers, rapists, child abductors and so on are utterly disassociated and insane. In the non-legal sense of the word, certainly these people are insane, but, as practically all evidence has suggested, they are also very calculated individuals. In order to get what they want they plan things in advance, which is often why serial offenders are so difficult to capture. Their forms of violence are not sporadic or the simple climax of a crime of passion where everything is unplanned and often very messy. The reason I bring this up is because if we have to consider that it was not Terri who took Kyron and killed him, and beyond that it was nobody in his immediate family that did it, then we have to venture forth to consider who would have done it. What kind of person would abduct a little child from right next to his school. There are only a few logical possibilities, three of which I have listed below:

Kyron was abducted by someone or by a collection of people involved in underground activities such as child sex trafficking. It’s unfortunate that we have found the issue of people being abducted and sold into sex trafficking in particular within America to be an ever-growing problem. Obviously it is heinous to even try and think of something like this being the case for little Kyron. It’s somewhat far-fetched as well because of his age, but sadly there are people of all kinds who are sadistically interested in different kinds of people. That being said I pray with all my might that this did not occur in the case of little Kyron, and I still feel it is an unlikely premise.
Kyron was abducted by someone for the same reason many people are abducted: as a way to ransom money. Kyron’s father had a fairly cushiony job with Intel so the possibility of someone wanting to kidnap his child for a ransom wouldn’t bee too far-fetched. However there is one fundamental problem: no communication has ever been made by the guilty party seeking out a ransom. It’s sad and unlikely consideration, but must be posed, that had Kyron been abducted in the efforts to obtain ransom money it could be possibly that those who took him killed him. Perhaps Kyron tried to struggle and in the efforts to get ahold of him he was killed. With a dead child the guilty party may have abandoned their plans to collect a ransom. After all, even if they tried to pull through with still getting the ransom they would have risked putting themselves out there to be captured and by this point they were not only kidnappers, but killers. While it’s possible, I still don’t consider this scenario to be a likely premise as to how Kyron disappeared.
Finally, there is another sad scenario that he was abducted by a pedophile or serial child abductor/sex offender (of which they all go hand in hand). This possibility has to be considered. Whenever a child goes missing the authorities always check to see what sex offenders are living in or around the abduction area and which of these people are possible suspects for being close to there when the abduction occurred. Despite it being the next likely scenario as far as I’m concerned, outside of someone in Kyron’s immediate family being responsible, this too I think is a difficult premise to swallow.

So here I have posed the three most likely alternate possibilities and yet I don’t consider any of them likely. Why? Because of the location. The fact that Kyron was still likely inside of his own school when he vanished is, to me, one of the most troubling factors in the case. Even crazed sex offenders scoping out children often watch children from off school ground or keep a mild distance when they’re considering a possible attack or an abduction. While their minds are focused on sickening and despicable conquests, they are still cold and calculated individuals. This is what bothers me about the three possibilities above. People working in the sex slave trade, abductors for ransom, or serial offenders; they are all calculating people. They take action after considering the best ways to take it so they can get what they want without being captured. Look into any serial killer, especially ones like Gary Ridgway or Dennis Rader who evaded capture for some twenty or thirty years, these were cold and calculated individuals. They managed to kill and kill again and going unseen. For famous killers like Ridgway and others like Ted Bundy who killed in excess of thirty people and yet up until their capture the only evidence against them was a handful of shaky eyewitness accounts that didn’t really help the investigation. And furthermore, it is commonplace for every serial killer (or serial offender) to want to stay in the spotlight if their actions bring about high profile cases, and Kyron’s disappearance got worldwide attention. This was true of the Zodiac killer, who did his best to stay in the spotlight and when people began to forget what he had done he’d send the police another letter or take credit for another killing. Dennis Rader ultimately was caught because he couldn’t deal with his evil deeds being forgotten and he established a paper trail that tied him to his killings. This is what makes me doubt so highly that Kyron was abducted by a serial offender. No serial offender would have wandered into the school and snatched up this child on a few dozen feet from his stepmother and literally footsteps from his classroom. That’s not how they work. And furthermore, sad though it is, the Kyron Horman case has gone rather cold in the Portland area over the past year or so and yet no interesting efforts have been made by any guilty party to write a letter or anonymously mail evidence to the police showing they’re the guilty party (as was the case in the Black Dahlia murder back in 1946). There is just nothing to suggest this was the workings of a serial offender. And furthermore, there have been no other child abductions in Portland area, or even really in the Pacific Northwest for that matter that have synched up with the potential MO that can be supplied to an offender who just wanders into a school with the confidence that he/she can snatch up a child and walk out unseen (as would have to be the case).

It is interesting that in another one of Terri Horman’s accounts she claimed that she left Kyron with a male chaperone who was with other children when she left the school. It was later determined there were no male chaperones there and the easy conclusion to reach is that Terri was setting up a suspect in the case. By leaving her stepson with a mysterious male chaperone, of which she couldn’t remember his name or various aspects about, we have a possible abductor from within the school. But then again, how could a random man-off-the-street just wander into a school and offer to be a chaperone for a elementary school’s science fair without the least bit of scrutiny? So the mix of accounts hasn’t helped Terri in her case. A mix of final accounts suggests ones effort to fabricate a story to protect one’s self. The next question is: why would Terri have to come up with a story to protect herself if she’s innocent? It’s a valid point.

Then there is a smaller issue that is worth closer scrutiny, and that is the fact that Terri and Kaine switched vehicles that day. Terri loved and always drove her Red Mustang, but on the day Kyron vanished she took Kaine’s white Ford truck when she drove Kyron to the science fair. Now it appears that this was Terri’s idea because she wanted the space in the larger truck so as to transport Kyron’s science project (apparently her Mustang was too small to transport it?). I only point this out because it would make a difference who suggested this switch, especially if we are considering Kyron’s father as a possible suspect. Kaine Horman’s alibi for the day Kyron vanished was pretty cut and dry, claiming he was at work at Intel until around 2 p.m. when he came home. However there appear to be reasons to disbelieve that and what has been posed is that someone had accessed Terri Horman’s Facebook account twice during the 8 a.m. hour in which she was at Skyline Elementary with Kyron. So it obviously wasn’t she who was using the account and it appears that Kaine was the one using it. This certainly doesn’t make Kaine the guilty party. After all, how could he abduct Kyron from school if he’s sitting, presumably at home, on Terri’s Facebook account. It would be interesting to see if this was a common thing between them, both accessing Terri’s account. While Facebook is the most popular social networking sites in the world, I practically never have seen anyone willingly let another person use their account, especially for playing video games on the website (which appears to have been what was going on in her Facebook activity log during that eight o’clock hour). The question must then be posed: why would Kaine use Terri’s Facebook to play video games. Didn’t he have his own Facebook? And if so, why wouldn’t he use his own account. This whole thing is very interesting to me, coupled with the fact that Kaine bonded so closely to his ex and Kyron’s biological mother, Desiree Young, right after the disappearance and rather quickly began disassociating with Terri. Overall it’s hard to understand why Kaine would be accessing Terri’s Facebook at this time and it doesn’t really help to serve his possible guilt unless it can be proven that he really wasn’t at work like he said he was and was somewhere else, presumably at home for at least a short while. Even if there was some ulterior motive is his doing this, what would it have achieved? It wouldn’t have shown that Terri was home at this time because she was known to be at Skyline Elementary.

Whatever the case, because of all the attention thrust on Terri, Kaine never really emerged as a possible suspect. The fact that the police have still never stepped forward and identified him as even a person of interest suggests that with what they know he was likely either right where he said he was or somewhere wherein it would have been impossible for him to be the abductor. After breaking off on that tangent, it brings us back around to the issue of Kaine and Terri switching cars on the day of the disappearance. It would change things quite a bit if it was Kaine’s idea and he was the one to push them towards switching cars that morning, especially if he was involved in Kyron’s disappearance. First off, Terri would have his truck over by the school and thus his vehicle could possibly be accounted for being somewhere other than where Kyron would ultimately end up. Beyond that, having Terri’s car in his possession he could drive that vehicle wherever he wished and potentially someone could see the car and assume it was Terri driving it. Terri loved her Red Mustang and even graced it with a unique license plate number: RDSQRL (an abbreviated term for “Red Squirrel”). Needless to say, there were possible aspects about this car that might attract ones attention if they saw the car and knew Terri. But this is all, while possible, still rather far-fetched. Had Kaine been involved it would have been a greater pain to transport Kyron, had he been responsible, in that Red Mustang than in his much larger truck. This piece of logic turns things back around on Terri. If the claim is true that she wanted to switch vehicles so she could have Kaine’s larger truck to transport Kyron’s science fair project then that claim must be analyzed. The presumption must be considered in this case that Terri wanted to take Kaine’s truck so she would be able to transport Kyron better when she, presumably, took his life. But before that can be considered the reason given must be considered first.

So was Kyron’s project so large that it couldn’t be conveniently transported in Terri’s Red Mustang. The answer is a quick and simple ‘No’. While her Mustang was certainly not a truck it also was not a tiny compact vehicle. And even if it had been there is still no reason why they couldn’t have transported Kyron’s project in her Mustang. In the last picture taken of Kyron we see his whole project right behind him. It consists of a large fold-up presentation and a small diorama. Now Kyron was listed as being three feet and eight inches tall and he, as can be seen in the picture, is definitely a little taller than the board for his presentation, which could conveniently fold up. From just eyeballing it I would put the height of that board between about 36 and 40 inches and it’s width is probably around 25 inches if folded up. Something this size would have easily fit into Terri Horman’s Mustang. And the diorama was about the size of a shoebox, something so small he could have held it in his lap, which is probably what he did. It was presented as though this was some massive project that even Kaine initially said was something easier to transport in his truck than her car. It was a piece of poster board and a shoebox for crying out loud! I could have transported something that minute on a crowded bus (and have on many occasions) with little to no difficulty. This argument that Terri needed a vehicle so colossally larger than her Mustang to carry Kyron’s project just doesn’t hold water. And furthermore, she had the objective of bringing the project home with her when the fair was over, and yet when she left she left without briging the project with her. This all casts further light on Terri as the possible guilty party, suggesting she wanted a larger vehicle with a open and easy to clean trunk bed to transport Kyron, presumably after she rendered him incapacitated. This all considered, it’s a sad realization, as far as I know, that the police never checked this truck for evidence. It’s a wonder what they may have found if Terri is, in fact, guilty. And yet it is known that the police took in her car for close examination, and she wasn’t even driving it that day. Nevertheless, this is just another hitch in Terri’s day.

According to her story she then spent approximately the period of 10:10 to 11:39 a.m. driving along rural roads in the west hills area on the far west end of Portland’s city limits as she tried to help her then infant daughter settle down while suffering from inner ear pain. This story has brought about lots of scrutiny. First off, many would question what driving around would do to help an infant’s ear ache? It’s an intriguing question, but unfortunately no one is in a place of one hundred percent certainty to say that this didn’t work for Terri’s little daughter. However, this does leave open almost a ninety minute period in which Terri could have taken Kyron and done something with his body. It is worthy to note as well that one of Terri’s closest friends, DeDe Spicher’s (pronounced ‘spicer’) whereabouts are unknown during a period of time very close to this period in which Terri was reportedly just driving about. Spicher claimed that she had a solid alibi and that she spent that part of the day working at a customers home. However the owner of the home claimed that from roughly the period of 11:10 a.m. until 1 p.m. Spicher had left, was unaccounted found and could not be reached on her cell phone. This casts suspicion on Spicher. Had she admitted that she was away from her work during this time, and provided logical reasoning for why she did so, she might have gone neglected by investigators and the media. But the fact is she claimed to be at one location during this who stretch of the day and yet the very person she was working for acknowledges that she was missing in acting for nearly two hours.

This makes for some convenient matching of time. If Terri did in fact kill Kyron, be it intentional or accidental, we have her arriving at home around 11:39 a.m. We then have Spicher leaving her place of work at 11:10 a.m. With that close proximity of time it is logical to suggest that Terri made it known to one of her closest friends what had happened after the event was finished and she was soon to return home. An emergency of this nature would lead to Spicher leaving right in the middle of a job she was one. We then have the two of them meeting at Terri’s home for potentially anytime up till around an hour before Spicher returned to her workplace. What they may have discussed could have been anything, but had things turned out this way it’s likely the meeting consisted of Spicher trying to be the voice of deceptive reasoning, telling Terri to keep quiet and not to admit to anything. Such is often the advice given by friends to a fellow guilty friend. Despite this possibility however, this is all speculation. It’s reasonable and circumstantial speculation, but still speculation nonetheless. I have no clue what Terri or Spicher’s phone records consist of, if there were any calls or text messages sent between the two women during this time that could make for a stronger connection between them. Since there has been so much made about a ping apparently captured from Terri’s cell phone that suggested she was in the area of Sauvie Island along with the fact that little of law enforcement’s examination into Spicher seems to have been focused on the question of communication between these two women it seems hard to believe that there was any communication between them during this time. The police definitely had reason to examine their phone records otherwise. Spicher claims that she hadn’t been in close contact with Terri, having not spoken to her for a couple months before Kyron’s disappearance. Furthermore, her contention for her “missing time” was that she had been away from her cell phone and a good ways from the house, where reportedly the woman who lived there called out to her and tried to contact her via her cell phone when they had lunch prepared. She claimed she never heard any of these efforts to contact her and didn’t return to the house itself till around 1 p.m. Honest account or convenient cover story? It’s hard to say. It’s all circumstantial but it seems when all is said and done no one else knows for certain where Spicher was during this time. It’s suspicious, but again, we all find ourselves alone and without so-called alibi’s for certain events whether we were involved or not.

Something else that cast further suspicion on Spicher was her initial willingness to take a polygraph test and then rapidly changing her mind when reportedly Terri contacted her, telling her that she took a polygraph test and was told that she failed it. This is in some ways verified by Kaine Horman and Desiree Young who came out and expressed that she had taken two polygraph tests and failed both. They claimed that this was common knowledge and known by everyone, and yet every story I have looked up on this matter only references how Kaine and Desiree came out and expressed that she failed the test. This is hardly definitive proof, but it seems if one of Terri’s closest friends acknowledged that she also failed a test it gets harder to argue this possibility. Terri’s failure of a polygraph is what led to Spicher changing her mind when both women presumed this was a crooked effort on the part of the Portland Police to set Terri up as the guilty party. But even this is difficult to swallow seeing as three years have gone by and Terri hasn’t so much as been arrested for the crime.

So what does it mean if Terri Horman failed a polygraph? I’d like to say it’s absurd to argue that the police lied about the test to set her up as a more viable suspect, but unfortunately such things have happened in various police precincts in various cities. Just as much though, it’s always a convenient argument from the subject who failed the test to claim it was either done improperly or that those administering the test had an agenda against them in some way or another. We the public want to assume polygraph tests to be definitive proof of someone’s guilt and innocence and certainly polygraph tests are about as accurate as things get, but they are not a hundred percent accurate. That must be firmly grasped. Furthermore, the notion of failing a polygraph tests creates the easy presumption that whoever took the test was lying through their teeth and being dishonest from the very first question to the final one. However, failure of a polygraph test can be as simple as lying on only one question. The question then becomes what question, or possibly questions was Terri dishonest on? It’s impossible for someone like me to know seeing as the results of these tests haven’t been released to the public. Again, failing a polygraph tests is another strike against Terri, but it’s not necessarily proof of her guilt in the abduction of Kyron. It’s just another area where it’s easy for someone not in the know to presume a definitive answer in one way or another. Something similar came up in the case of Arthur Lee Allan, who to this day has been argued as the key suspect of the Zodiac murders that happened in California during the late 60s and early 70s. A few years back the DNA taken from saliva on the envelopes used to send the letters was tested against Allen’s and found to not be a match. So quickly did people presume this was proof of Allen’s innocence and that the matter should be dropped. However, whoever licked the envelopes wasn’t necessarily the killer. And colleagues of Allen came out and expressed that when Allen mailed things he had someone else lick his envelopes for him because the taste of the glue substance on them made him sick. Perhaps this is just a bunch of contrived nonsense to keep Allen as the suspect in the spotlight and possibly it’s further proof that he needs to be continually examined as a Zodiac possible. But nevertheless, a DNA test under circumstances doesn’t necessarily rule someone out of a case just as much as failing a polygraph test doesn’t necessarily make one guilty of the crime they are being tested against.

As the story of that day concludes, Terri arrived home and later Kaine arrived and when the school day concluded the two of them went to meet Kyron when he got off the bus. But when the bus arrived Kyron wasn’t there. Contacting the school it was found that Kyron never made it to class and was marked absent for that day. Immediately the Horman’s knew something was wrong and before long the case of the missing 7-year old spread like wildfire, becoming national news in days. Upon discovery that Terri is the last known person to have seen Kyron she became a person of interest rather quickly.

Of course, those close to her came to her aid, claiming police harassment (everyone claims police harassment when they’re the suspect in a crime, as though they should be treated with kid gloves) and begging why they were wasting time pursing Terri when the “real assailant” was out there roaming free. Why was so much attention put on Terri? Well, she was the last to see Kyron alive and there are no other credible suspects. People wonder why this has been such a tough case to crack. There’s no body. Kyron’s whereabouts could be anywhere be he dead or alive. Most importantly, there is no crime scene. While the last place Kyron was seen was at his school, it’s unknown when he legitimately disappeared. There is not even a specific location that can be marked as the location where he was taken. This leads me to become intrigued as to how much investigative attention was put into that hallway where reportedly Terri watched Kyron walk away and then he just vanished before reaching his class. While again it’s difficult to know exactly what happened to Kyron or where he went during this short period of time, the fact is this is what the investigation has to go on. That whole hallway should have been blocked off the moment Kyron qualified as a missing person and every single footprint or fingerprint should have been taken, granted there would have been a good many. But most of them would have been tiny feet, that of the various students at the elementary. Any larger adult footprints, and it was most definitely an adult that took him, should have be checked and taken. It would have been very time consuming, but with the best initial presumption to be that Kyron was abducted from the school itself that hallway would have been tantamount to examine for evidence. I don’t have all of the details of the police investigation obviously, but I highly doubt this was done. It may have yielded no results, especially if Terri was the guilty party, but it still should have been done. Honestly, how many crimes have been solved by footprints and fingerprints?

Again, Terri Horman continued to not do herself any favors after the abduction and having become a person of interest to police. In addition to being the last person to see Kyron, having a shaky story about where she was and what she did around the time he went missing, supposedly having hired a landscaper to kill Kaine, she also was found to be sending sexually explicit texts to a friend who was helping in the search for Kyron. As more and more attention was being put on Terri, not only had the general public pointed their fingers collectively at her but ultimately Kaine and Kyron’s mother had turned their backs on her, and ever since they have been harshly critical of Terri. They all believe she was involved in his disappearance.

Before continuing from here let me first mention that I believe these circumstances surrounding Terri Horman are worth further examination and cannot be ignored, allowing her to be removed as a suspect. I have a tendency to personally lead towards her having been at least involved in Kyron’s disappearance. My greatest reasoning to believe this, above all else and as I discussed before, is the fact that Kyron would have had to been taken from the school. I just don’t see any kind of offender being that brazen as to snatch a kid out of a school like that, especially without attracting attention to his or herself. Desiree in an interview expressed how Kyron would get nervous and reactive if just a few feet away from a family member or someone else he knew and trusted like school teachers and fellow students. Such is commonplace for most children. They all know to keep away from strangers and to be reactive for their safety if a stranger tries to take them. Thus the only way I can honestly fathom a stranger (or more directly anyone but Terri Horman) having taken Kyron is if he was taken outside of the school. But how could this have happened unless a stranger infiltrated the school. If Terri’s story rings true that Kyron was on his way to class for what reason would he wander off with a stranger, whether he became comfortable being with that stranger or not. It seems clear that Kyron left with someone he knew. Otherwise there is no way he could have been taken right out of the school like that without getting someone’s attention. Whatever circumstances follows in the immediate aftermath of that science fair, I have to assume that if Kyron didn’t show up for class he left the school property with Terri. What happened after is a mystery. But is poses another question that must be considered.

If Terri Horman took Kyron with her and ultimately killed him, I have a hard time in believing that her killing of him was an accident. It’s an often posed possibility in cases of parents killing their children that it was an accident or the parent snapped and in a fit of rage suddenly killed their child. This was posed against Jon Benet Ramsey’s mother Patricia. In the most absurd theory of the whole case, authorities posed that Jon Benet wet herself and ran to her parents and this somehow sent her mother into a frenzy wherein she beat, choked and killed her daughter. Absurd and yet, astoundingly, some people believed that theory. The whole ‘killing by accident’ argument is always posed in cases such as this, but seldom is it ever the reality of the situation.

If Terri did kill Kyron I have a feeling it had to be something that was at least somewhat preplanned. She would have to plot out having Kaine’s truck that day, thus when she went to dispose of the body nobody would see her in her Red Squirrel wagon. She had to know to bring Kyron to his science fair, thus she would be seen there with her stepson smiling, taking pictures and being generally supportive in those last moments before he vanished. And most of all, she had to know that she wouldn’t have an eternity to get rid of the body, which she apparently would have been busy getting rid of between 10:10 and 11:39 a.m. It seems likely to presume she made no incriminating phone calls for if she did they most likely would have come out by now. She knew the police could check her phone records to see whoever she called. This is often a significant and common piece of police work when examining possible suspects in crimes, to see who they were in communication with around the time of the crime. Knowing she wouldn’t have an extended period of time to get rid of the body it seems likely she would have had to have a planned location for getting rid of the body. Cell phone pings suggest she was in the Sauvie Island area, a location that would be about as good as any in the Portland area to dispose of a body with how little traffic there is through that area. It’s interesting to ponder how well Terri knew Sauvie Island or how many times she may have ventured there so has to consider how prepared she would have been to dispose of Kyron’s body in a particular spot. While searches have occurred there, it’s a very large island and they can’t tear the whole thing up looking for a body. Whatever the case, whether she had accomplices or not, she somehow managed to get rid of Kyron and he hasn’t been seen since. She has relocated to southern Oregon after the attention became overwhelming. Many see this as further proof of her guilt.

I mean to express what my opinion is about Terri Horman’s possible involvement in the case to express my belief that she was involved in Kyron’s disappearance before continuing from her. Having said my piece, the fact of the matter is that these pieces of evidence against Terri are all circumstantial, and some of them aren’t even that circumstantial necessarily. About a year and a half I engaged in a total emersion into this case, reading every article I could find on the case and filling a notebook up with notes. I really did my homework, sticking to the grind until I just had to put it away because I had looked into it so deeply. As I was engaging in my own studies into the case I had the preconceived notion that everyone else had that Terri was probably guilty at some level or another. Once I finished this lengthy examination I wasn’t quite as convinced. More than anything, I couldn’t find that one solid piece of evidence to prove her involvement. Admitting again my belief in her guilt the fact of the matter is the definitive proof is just not there and such is why it’s a good thing that the police have yet to arrest and try Terri Horman in this case. Maybe that will change with future events. But the fact of the matter is, with what they’d have to work with, if Terri Horman was brought to trial that is not a case in which the prosecution would have come out on top. I do not believe she would be found guilty without reasonable doubt, especially since it can’t even be definitively proven whether Kyron is dead or alive. What would we think if Kyron miraculously popped back up ten years down the road, alive and well and somehow the victim of a cult abduction or something crazy like that? And there’s Terri Horman, rotting away in a prison for ten years and generally hated by the public over a case that hadn’t been proven against her. But more significant, if Kyron was killed and killed at the hands of Terri, if she was tried now and found not guilty there would be no way to re-try her in the future. That’s the double jeopardy rule. So whatever evidence comes out in the future that might solidify Terri’s guilt in the killings would be irrelevant. Granted she probably wouldn’t be a very popular woman about town if that occurred, but the fact is justice would not be able to be carried out against her. So when people complain about police complacency or asking repeatedly why Terri is just being allowed to live in seclusion in southern Oregon it’s because to arrest and try her now would be a tragic decision that would likely result in acquittal and a greater obstacle in ever discovering what happened to that little boy.

As I started in this piece, discussing how easily most people go with the media, which was so focused in on Terri Horman (because again they have no other persons of interest to focus in on), Terri became the guilty party in everyone’s eyes. I would hear people everywhere I go saying, “She’s guilty as hell”. And practically none of these people know the details of this case and yet they feel qualified in reaching definitive conclusions in such a tragic event. The greatest rallying factors have, understandably, been Kyron’s birth parents and in particular his mother. They have gathered and rallied against Terri time and time against since his disappearance. And certainly I don’t wish to be harsh on Kyron’s parents. I wouldn’t wish what they went through on my worst enemy, whoever that may be. But the truth is the truth, and that truth is that, as with the media, Kyron’s biological parents have only served to amplify the publics presumptions about Terri. It’s really quite astounding. I understand full well that a parent in the throws of looking for their missing child will act erratically at times. In practically every child abduction case, the moment a suspect comes into light, whether there’s enough proof to keep them, the parents in the case, and in particular the mothers, want to believe any and every suspect is guilty. So before things even get serious with a possible suspect we have the parents screaming at them about what they did to their child and they’re having press conferences saying so-and-so is guilty as hell and they should just admit it and get it over with. It happens in practically every case involving the parents of missing children. It’s understandable erratic behavior, but it does little to clarify the situation.

If you listen to Kyron’s biological parents, and in particular his mother, it’s like every single word Terri has said since the moment Kyron vanished is incriminating. She has had something to say about every action Terri has taken no matter how minute it is. Her level of vindictiveness against Terri is so exaggerated that it’s almost suspicious, and it has carried on for the past three and a half years. The most absurd example of her hysteria was in an interview I saw with her in which she was discussing a press conference she was in with her husband, Kaine and Terry. Captured on film, there is a moment where Terri puts her arm around Desiree and rests her head on her shoulder. Desiree appears disconnected and distance and she would express in the interview how it was strange that she would do that under those circumstances. I’m sorry? Your son, her stepson had gone missing and you found it odd and suspicious that she was trying to console you? Granted one can argue she was making a show for the cameras by acting supportive, but in watching that footage in the early going of that press conference, Terri Horman is the only one who looks emotionally distraught.  I find it interesting how stiff everyone else was on that occasion, but on the flip side I have always looked at Terri’s distraught and haggard appearance after Kyron’s disappearance as the after effects of guilt for what she knows and what she did.

That said, I will now venture into my final discussion on this matter. And this point will not focus so much on the case itself as much as how we, as a society, should behave in the light of cases such as this. I know there are a great deal of lazy people out there who won’t care and don’t want to take the time to learn the facts before spouting off their opinions about things. But the fact of the matter is that the case against Terri Horman is purely circumstantial, and a weak circumstantial case at that. If that is so then why all of the attention? Because that’s where all the media’s attention has been and so Terri Horman being the one and only real suspect has led a good many people to presume her guilt without knowing the evidence. If anyone takes a long hard look at the case they will see inconsistencies and things that raise red flags, but they will not at this time find concrete evidence proving Kyron Horman died at the hands of Terri Horman and/or accomplices she was associated with.

This is a lasting effect of a lazy society and it is something that frustrates me a great deal. The manner in which people have so passively screamed guilt at others, and then turned a deaf ear when they were proven wrong is astounding and embarrassing to say the least. Nobody has the right to scream guilty or innocent without looking at the facts for themselves. But still we scream guilty all willy nilly. We throw it around like any other word. Anyone who knows me knows I am a Kennedy Assassination buff in a contemporary society where many people alive now weren’t even born and hardly know a single detail about the case. And yet the continuously present these surveys about how more than eighty percent of people believe there was a conspiracy involved in the investigation of his murder, to which I say, “Who cares?” I believe there was a conspiracy in the case but when ninety percent of present day society hardly knows a thing about the case what should we care about the general public’s opinion about the case at all. It’s like when people talk about how we need to get out and vote and how sad it is that more people don’t vote. Why?! Hardly anyone in this country knows what’s going on or who they’re voting for is really like so why should we be supporting the vote from people who don’t know what we’re voting for? And then we get hostile because the majority of these people we vote for can’t or refuse to do their jobs. Well whose fault is that? We’re the one’s who put them there. Then we blindly follow Presidential candidates as long as they seem to support what we want or they represent whatever political party we loosely fall inline with. We revere our recent President’s depending on which side of the political spectrum we reside on. If we’re democrats we love Bill Clinton and Barack Obama. If we’re republicans, the last two Bushes are loved by us. But the truth is they’re just politicians like everyone else, and some of them aren’t even particularly good politicians, but we love them, especially when we don’t really know anything about them. I laugh the most when people revere Bill Clinton and put up those bumper stickers reading: “No one died when Clinton lied.” Clinton is about as corrupt a politician as there is. He overlooked the whole Mena operation while serving as the Governor of Arkansas. Mena, Arkansas was a major supply point for illegal activity involving the Iran Contras and was a location used for guns and drug running (cocaine in particular). The activities done through there played a major part in bringing large quantities of drugs into America at a time when our country randomly had a huge spike in drug problems. What a coincidence.

Yes, I just made a significant jump from Kyron Horman to the most recent President’s of the United States, but it does tie together. People don’t care about taking the time to know the truth when they can presumably get it all in five minutes on the evening news. This same injustice was served against the parents of Jon Benet Ramsey, which was my primary reason for referencing them earlier in this piece. I remember the years following the death of Jon Benet and there was not a person I knew of who wasn’t “certain in their own mind” that they were guilty. Even after many aspects of the police investigation were shown to be inaccurate (for instance, they claimed there were no footprints in the snow to suggest Jon Benet was killed by an outside intruder and yet crime scene photos outside the house showed there was practically no snow on the ground), extensive proof was established to show someone likely broke in and killed the girl and the fact that after years of examination still bore nothing that the police could use to arrest or try Jon Benet’s parents the general public still felt they were guilty.

Now they have both passed away and there is amble evidence to suggest other parties may have been involved, in particular a man named Michael Helgoth who lived near the Ramsey’s. I recently saw a film on the case that focused in on Helgoth and it’s astounding to me that he hasn’t been looked at more closely by authorities. Helgoth was known to be fearless and erratic; those who knew him said he’d point a gun at them and then shoot a bullet right past their head. There was a footstep in the basement that matched a rare pare of boots Helgoth owned, even to the point of having brown markings in the print and small brown markings were found in that same place on his boot. He also claimed to be coming into a lot of money around the time Jon Benet was killed (and a ransom note for $118,000 was left in the home) and then got depressed a while later when no money showed up. He had also said to several colleagues that he had an interest in possibly caving in a human’s skull as well as an unhealthy interest in little girls. It was particularly eerie watching home video of him with his girlfriend’s daughter, only three or four years old with thick and bright blonde hair (a look almost identical to Jon Benet). They also found several tapes he’d recorded showing children scenes and violent scenes from movies. In one particular video a clip from the Santa Clause, where Tim Allen visits a little girl, was edited into a video and then followed by news footage of another girl who had been kidnapped four years before Jon Benet was killed. This is intriguing because Jon Benet Ramsey was killed on Christmas night. A taser was also found among Helgoth’s possessions and it is known that Jon Benet was tasered when she was killed. Lots of circumstantial evidence sure, but the case against Holgoth is a hell of a long stronger than the case against Terri Horman in Kyron’s disappearance.

Of further interest is that Holgoth apparently committed suicide shortly after Jon Benet’s death. Even more interesting is the fact that his death occurred the day after a police conference in which the police tried to menace the possible suspects by telling them the suspect list only gets small until they’re down to one. Some suggest Holgoth’s guilt made him panic to this police conference and he killed himself. However the trajectory of the shot suggests it was a homicide. Perhaps an accomplice tying up loose ends?

Whatever the case, there are many correlations between the Jon Benet Ramsey and Kyron Horman case in terms of how the public has chosen to behave and it’s something that needs to be changed. We should have learned this a long time ago with the lasting effects of cases such as the trial of Bruno Richard Hauptman (found guilty and executed for the kidnapping and killing of Charles Lindbergh’s son) and that of Sam Sheppard, who’s innocence is still disputed today but regardless of his guilt or innocence, his reason for release was due to the fact that the press and the public had determined him guilty before he was even tried for the 1954 murder of his wife. These cases showed us fifty and sixty years before what happens when people collect in mobs and make decisions about major crimes with major possible consequences and they don’t even hardly know the details of these cases. I want that to be my parting word in this discussion about the case of Kyron Horman, one that is sadly already slipping from the public’s conscience. It’s still a young case however and I hope that it will be resolved someday, however that has to be. But until then we need to conduct ourselves responsibly and remember that there is so little known about this case and about what really happened and until we know for certain we must look at Terri Horman as nothing more than a suspect, which is what she is. That status hasn’t changed at this time and it’s unlikely it will until the case is hopefully ultimately resolved. But spouting off and complaining isn’t doing the situation any good. We need to be patient and with all the hope in the world, and even a little luck, we may someday find out what really happened that day when innocence vanished without a trace.

Why I Study Crime #2

Something that astounds me are criminal cases wherein the individual who was incarcerated for a given crime has lots of light on him or her suggesting they may have been wrongfully convicted and then everyone acts like nothing should be done about it. We always talk about innocent until proven guilty and about the horrors of putting an innocent person away for something they didn't do, but then it's astounding to me even further that the family and friends of victims of crime, in my focus I am discussing murder victims, cry out for justice and then when someone is captured, tried and found guilty there is nothing further for them to discuss; even if there is ample reason to believe that the convicted party was innocent! It is certainly not my contention to attack the victims of tragedy, who have experienced the horribly painful and impossible to forget experience of losing a love one by homicidal means (I experienced that myself as a child), but if you truly care about someone who's life was taken it should matter the world to you that the right person pays for it.

I was disgusted almost to the point of anger, wanting to throw something across my room, when I watched a documentary on William Heirens. Heirens recently died and is the longest serving inmate in the history of the Illinois prison system, having been imprisoned for approximately sixty-six years. Heirens was convicted of being the infamous "Lipstick Killer" a named credited to a killer who took the lives of three people in 1946 Chicago, and at two of the locations etched pleas on the wall of the crime scene in lipstick for the police to catch him before he killed again. Heirens was a 17-year old with a criminal record that consistent practically of just various burglaries. Months after the last victim of the Lipstick Killer was discovered, that being the chopped up body of a 6-year old girl (a crime for obvious reasons I won't get too detailed on), Heirens was captured after being caught in the midst of a burglary. The police had a lot of pressure on them to capture the killer, especially since he had murdered a little girl, while the city of Chicago had five major newspapers fighting valiantly for readership, and thus were willing to print anything they could if it sold papers. The moment the Chicago police had Heirens, a troubled youth with a criminal record, the pointed the finger at him with practically no evidence to support it. But the newspapers went with it, going with it to the point that they printed the detailed account of a confession that Heirens hadn't even given. After being nothing short of tortured by Chicago police, and being threatened repeatedly with claims that he was going to the electric chair, Heirens took a plea bargain, confessing to the crimes and earning three life sentences. "Evidence" used to convict him in the public's mind was either fabricated or presumed to have been fabricated (such as fingerprints of his that weren't found in initial police searches that suddenly showed up later on) and the only solid argument anyone who honestly believes he was the Lipstick Killer poses is that he confessed, and why would an innocent man plead guilt? The answer is very simple and Heirens has expressed it time and time again. With the complete and utter prejudice established against him by the police and by the newspapers there is no way he would have received a fair trial had he gone to trial for these killings. And had he gone to trial for these killings and been found guilty, which would have been the foregone conclusion, he would have received a death sentence and been electrocuted. Now how could he have pleaded his innocence if he were dead? He confessed to save his life so that in time he would be able to prove his innocence. But try as he has, and likely through ulterior reasoning, he has never been paroled.

It is astounding to me, there I use that word again, that people still honestly argue that Heirens could have possibly been the serial killer. Everyone who has known him since he was incarcerated in prison has claimed him to be one of the most productive inmates in the history of the American prison system. Beyond that, various psychologists, with focused studies into areas of crime and serial killing, have studied Heirens and his behavior and determined that he in no way fits the persona of any type of serial killer. Just watching interviews with him, as a novice individual interested in criminology, I look at interviews with various other famous killers like Bianchi, Bundy, Gacy, and so on and they all have this very similar manner of speaking and constantly pushing their innocence in a way that is sometimes overkill. This is unseen in Heirens who when he claims his innocence he does it quick, without question and gets past it. I cannot see anything in him that suggests he did these crimes and near the end of the documentary I was watching they showed a clip with the sister of the 6-year old girl that the Lipstick Killer killed. Even now, with so much suggesting that the man who spent his whole life in prison for the murder of his sister is innocent, what she had to say literally sickened me. Sister or no sister, bereaved or not bereaved, what she said was essentially, this was so long ago and we need to leave it behind us and let everything go, we're where we need to be and he is where he needs to be. I'm sorry, but we need to let it go because it was so long ago?! We're supposed to just forget it? That's real easy to say sitting in your nice warm home with the freedom to go where you want when you please. You know one of the reasons why you're able to do that? Because you weren't wrongfully convicted of multiple murders and set to prison for three quarters of your life. It baffles me how naive and in denial people can be when they say things like this. It is never to late to set an innocent person free for something they never did so how long ago it happened doesn't matter. Unfortunately it is too late for William Heirens, who passed away last year.

In closing, it's just amazing to be how sheepish people were back in the earlier part of the 20th Century, how easily they were led on like cattle and believed anything they were told. Now granted they didn't have the plethora of proof we have now as to government and police corruption in certain places, but still, the lengths people would go to just to get something taken care of and out of the way, even if it meant ruining the life of an innocent person who never did anything to deserve their presumed guilt. And even today there are misguided fools who still defend their guilt, and practically none of these people know or understand the details of these cases and so when asked why they think the way they do their answers are often very vague and unsatisfying. And look at all of the botched inept cases that came from this period of time: the Lipstick Killer, the killing of Bruno Richard Hauptman for the the killing of Charles Lindbergh's baby, Sacco and Vanzetti, the list goes on. I understand it was a different time, different people, a different system, a different world, but still there are some things that defy logic and baffle the mind. In particular the horrible injustice put upon William Heirens is right up there for me.

This Next Generation (from 2011)

THIS IS ACTUALLY SOMETHING I WROTE ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO, BUT IT'S AN IDEA THAT HAS BECOME MORE AND MORE PREVALENT IN MY MIND AS TIME GOES ALONG AND I SEE EXAMPLE AFTER EXAMPLE OF FAMILIES, PARENTS AND THEIR CHILDREN AND SO ON FITTING IT TO A TEE. I ALSO PLAN ON WRITING SOMETHING ALONG THESE SAME LINES AGAIN IN MY FRUSTRATIONS TOWARDS THE GENERATION THAT PRECEDED MINE.

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    I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the younger generation of our current world. I may be 25-years old but with few exceptions the bulk of my collection of friends mostly range from 16 to 22 years in age. And I personally feel both physically and psychologically like I am still hovering around that 20-year old zone. I consider myself a part of that age group for the most part then. And it’s a hard generation to be struggling through. We’re still so young and naïve and we’re being infiltrating by fear as we watch our parents losing the jobs they’ve had for years and wondering what kind of job market they will inherit. What will our world be like a year from now? Or five or ten?
    As time has wore on I have become so frustrated and disappointed with the generation that preceded ours, our parents generation. This is the generation that created the world we will be forced to inherit and someday fix, because we need severe fixing to say the least. They created this world and now selfishly expect us to thrive through it like they did when they were our age. Unfortunately so many of them fail to understand many things. The job market was thriving when they were twenty and it most certainly is not now. When I was a small child it was the way of the world that when one turned eighteen they moved away from home, went to college, graduated and found a career. I remember turning twenty-three and feeling somewhat embarrassed that I was still living at home, but unfortunately I didn’t feel a great sense of inspiration or ambition at that time. And when our parents were our age there were much more jobs available to a much smaller population. With corporations and companies either downsizing or closing shop all together we’re watching entry level and low pay jobs that were mostly open to this younger generation so as they could develop a work record and resume being infiltrated by these middle-aged former employees who are now themselves looking for work.
    But beyond the economic problems this young generation faces there is also the emotional and psychological difficulties they face. And much of this falls on the deaf ears of our parents generation as well. For almost all of my friends and even my acquaintances only a relative few of them have even moderately positive relationships with their parents (and in some cases even the rest of their family). And beyond that even in the relative few cases where those I know have moderately decent relationships with their parents those families still struggle with disfunctionalities in some ways. It was easy to be naïve when I had what I felt was a functional family and had a roof over my head. I had a cool, quirky bedroom and a large backyard. I didn’t have to pay rent, pay for school, cars, insurance, etc. And yet still having everything provided for me while I worked a simple little theatre job and had no real concept of the economy or the tough job market future that was to come there was always this nervous sense I felt within myself. How am I going to support myself when the time comes form my need to do such? Everybody thinks about that, especially when they don’t know what the future holds. And as things continue to deteriorate (which the economic elite blither on about how the ‘recession is over’, likely because all their rich friends are still in work) the future of everyone looms more and more in doubt. But the difference is our parents generation has experience in the workforce. While yes the stumbling economy is something rather unfamiliar to them too they have years of experience looking for jobs and supporting themselves. Our younger generation doesn’t have that. We’re scared shitless and most of us are just fluttering in the breeze. We all have our ideas of what career we’re after and how we’re going to fly through school and into our dream career but we all know how great the fight is getting. We all know deep down inside that we hardly know a thing about the ‘real world’, which unfortunately our previous two generations did a wonderful job screwing up.
    And I was seriously naïve. I had no idea how vast the pain and frustration was. In the start of the fall of 2008 I accompanied a few of my friends to an anime/manga convention in Portland. And it was nice, it was a fun escape for the weekend. But as I allowed my mind to go free there was still my more ‘realistic’ side that was saying, “Enjoy this while it lasts cause someday you’re gonna have to deal with the real world”. Little did I realize that at that time I was on the verge of watching my own family fall apart. What started as mere discussion of a separation led to so much more and by the end of the fall my mother moved out. For the next several months I lived alone with my father and began developing severe depression. For those months I either went to work or locked myself in my room. Finally one day I decided that I just couldn’t handle anymore and that I needed to start creating a life for myself or else this is all that would be left for me. I enrolled at the University of Portland and gradually I began to rebuild my life. After an altercation with my father over finances for school it was the last straw and I left home permanently and haven’t spoken to my father for over two years.
    My first year at U of P was a struggle, no doubt, but it was a great experience. My confidence was on the rise and for the first time in years I felt a true drive and meaning in my life like I was on my way to something more than I ever felt before. After finishing my first year I went into the summer with a strong drive. I was learning a great deal about myself and began subjecting myself to a very liberating period of self-criticism in an effort to advance my life further. Then, in the midst of this I discovered that a lawsuit had been filed against against me for a car accident in 2006 that I will defend to my death my sole responsibility for. Not knowing a thing about lawsuits and knowing nothing more in that moment except the fact that I had lost my driver’s license and been sued for over $40,000 I almost snapped. From the DMV in Gladstone right alongside the Clackamas River I nearly walked down to the water and drowned myself. The experience was so traumatizing that for nearly the next two months I was a total wreck and eve now, almost a year later, I am still recovering from just that.
    Today my life is a wreck, a gradually redeveloping wreck. I practically live on one, maybe two meals a day if I am lucky. I just spent half my money on a car that now I must spend handreds of extra dollars to fix. The current roof over my head is weighing completely on whether the church I attend stays open, and our church just happens to be struggling financially. And as with so many others my relationships with many people are struggling. And I am not ashamed to admit that every now and then I completely lose my mind and snap over things because I wonder how much more I can handle. But when I am finally able to calm myself I take recognition of how much turmoil I have managed to make it through.
    As a result of this, more than anything right now I want to embrace a stronger understanding of the struggles those around me are suffering. I am trying to watch closely, looking at the expressions on their faces and the pain that everyone has. I am doing this because one of the hardest things in the universe is to take recognition of the pains others feel when you are so wrapped up in your own. And I don’t want to be all wrapped up in my own pain. I want to handle it and use it to change my life or to forget it all together. Pain and suffering is often an alienating experience, something that makes us want to run and hide. But as I’m slowly learning, and after years of putting myself through isolation, one of the best ways to handle pain is to connect with other people, other people who too are suffering. The problems we all feel may differ but the simple truth is we all feel.
    One thing these past couple years have taught me is how heart breaking it can be to suffer and to feel like you’re all alone. That’s why through it all I choose to keep smiling and keep trying to bring happiness to those around me even if it’s only for the most fleeting of moments. As much as I know I cannot control it and don’t have the right to control it, I don’t ever want anyone to have to feel the way that I did. That coupled with the experience of watching my family break up, something so many around me had suffered through but never something I thought would ever happen to be (again with the naivety), and I’ve been transformed in a way. It’s strange, for I’ve noticed a change in my personality. I watch video of me from some three or four years ago and I notice I am not as wild and outlandishly entertaining as I once was (something I always relished). I feel that’s a change I don’t want to embrace but in accordance with that I have found a change in my emotional state/ Very influenced by my father I had a somewhat pessimistic perspective of people who weren’t productive. I was very much judgmental and while I am glad for that time and for the knowledge it gave me I am grateful for the struggles I have I guess for the most part because they’ve made me feel more human. I’ve been forced to experience things I’ve never faced before and everything is coming to me in a new light.
    I think back on that weekend in 2008 at the anime convention and I think about all those people there, just exploding at the seams with happiness. While the preppy kids next door at Lloyd Center glared at us with their snobby expressions and I think about what all the parents of these people must have been thinking, the absurdity of it all, I just think of the happiness. God knows things like that are hard to find. It makes me think. I wonder what would possess people to become so immersed in a fantasy world of fantasy characters. Again, just me battling with my common sense. And it’s here I return to thinking about this young generation and the world we live and my goodness it hits me like a ton of bricks. Who wouldn’t want to escape into a fantasy world like that? I wonder what some of these kids much be facing in their real lives, what broken-heartedness they must have felt or still be feeling.
    And this is another thing our parent’s generation just doesn’t understand. They always say they do and in some case yes certainly they do but often times this defense of understanding is just an easy out. And that’s how so many parents are. All they want is an easy out. They complain and feel stressed about having to be parents as though each individual one is the only one who knows what it feels like to have to raise kids. And then these same parents find their stress only deepened when they find their kids becoming standoffish and resentful towards them. Maturing at a much younger age than most guys I took to heart the understanding that adults, especially those our parents age, really did understand us and understood the world much better than us. But now I see several examples of the proof looming right in front of me and it’s obvious there is a great break between these two generations. But the older generation is the one I am most disappointed with because they have the greater experience to where they should know how to deal with such things better. And yet when all is said and done I am stunned to see that such is very seldom the case. And it stuns me. And too, it saddens me.
    We have this plethora of parents and many of them are just mired in all sorts of dysfunctions. They’re either bogged down and controlled by some lost addiction to alcohol or some hidden drug addiction. I look at many of these parents and the fact of their misery just oozes from them to such an overbearing degree that it is beyond their reasoning to be a positive influence on their children’s lives. And how can they be such if they can’t even pursue a positive outlook on their own lives. Many of them know their miserable but either don’t care or don’t have the clout that God gave the common beaver to change their direction. They fail either to see or, if they do see it, they then fail to acknowledge all the good their children do and can do but every mistake these kids make, no matter how pointless, has to be noted. And not only must it be noted but it’s often times accompanied by some ten minute rant blithering on about irresponsibility when really the whole time their parental subconscious is telling them that they’re the one’s who cannot grasp responsibility.
    But they’re creatures of habit as we all are. Everyone says our world today has become a more lazy one, which I disagree with to some extent. Laziness plays its part but it’s more so to me a world in which we are more easily allowed to slip into comfort zones and thus grow accustom to our lives. How else do these marriages in which there is clearly no love and/or connection last for years. Nobody through true personal examination and a recognition of what changes it will take to make them happy would stay in such a frustrating situation but it’s a matter of inconvenience. I’ve known people that have lived in dysfunctional and bickering families their whole lives and yet they’re still standing. It’s amazing how much of the same garbage we are capable of taking on day after day once we simply get used to it as a daily thing.
    This is something so many of us hardly even notice because why should we? It’s what we’re used to. But what our parents generation doesn’t understand is that this constant and endless rhetoric, the same miserable and immature manner in which they choose to lead their lives day after day, rubs off on their children. It leaves them feeling unappreciated, feeling like nothing they ever do is good enough. They’re left isolated and confused and their parents are too lost in their own problems, most of which they create or allow to come along themselves. They play this circular game where they tell you to be your own person, on the surface, but then there’s this constant insecurity where they try and get you to be like them. And even in many cases I have sensed the resentment from parents whose kids don’t follow along their footsteps, and so their frustration increases over their selfish desires for their children to be slaves to what they want. And that anger and resentment then only becomes amplified because deep down most of these parents known their shitty lives are their responsibility. They allowed it to become that way and to remain that way and so often times there’s this additional struggle they have with themselves where they hate themselves but still expect to be respected as the authority figure they should be.
    And this just goes on and on and at the end of they day all they can do is prattle on about the corruption of America’s youth and how they‘re all lost spending 12 hours a day on you tube and the other 12 hours texting their friends any random shit they can come up with just to kill the time. They bicker and become paranoid about how their child’s generation is becoming more and more isolated. Adolescent depression is on the rise. Adolescent ADHD is on the rise. And all most parents do it either cop an attitude with their kids who only want a little positive attention (most young people are critical enough about themselves, they don’t need anyone elses assistance on that) as though that’s supposed to turn things around. Or there’s the common solution of medication. My kid’s depressed but I’m so pissed about my life and I am so busy in my life I don’t have time to deal with it. There are honestly parents who think this way! I’ve seen it and it disgusts me to place of complete incomprehension. So then parents get their kids hooked on pain meds of which if you ask the majority of young people, these meds hardly do a thing for them. But as with everything else, it’s something one gets used to so they keep taking them. Every acts like a change is happening but deep down everyone knows, if they’d stop and actually use that damn ball of mush inside their head called a brain that nothing is changing. It’s just the same garbage day after day and this young generation that’s already scared shitless is being forced to take the brunt of it by an older, supposedly more mature generation that can’t get anything about it together.
    That’s possibly the most pathetic thing of all. As time goes on I see more and more young people’s parents reverting back to the immaturities of childhood while their children are forced to step up and being the mature ones as best as they can understand. And even though they often have little to no experience on what it’s like to be thrust into such a place often times perform at a place of maturity their parents have never reached in their entire lives! But still our parents go on and on about how lost we are. They have no problem acknowledging our flaws. They try and buy our hearts with money because simply giving somebody a present or cash is a lot easier than just sitting down for a few seconds and asking, “Hey how are you doing?” and actually caring about what the answer might be. The disrespect many contemporary parents show to their kids leaves me in complete awe, and not in the good way. And they can just go on and on asking their questions, which of course they don’t want to take five seconds to answer. They can go on with their frustrations about how their flawed kids won’t change when their selfish and dismissive attitudes only serve to block any change or advancement their kids might make.
    I look at how this younger generation is and I remember when I was in high school and the level of depression amongst young people never even touched where it’s at today (and it’s only been seven years). And for a long time I had that aged attitude when I looked at people who were in high school right after I started college and I just thought, “Grow up you whining little brats! What could you possibly have to complain about?” And that was just me slipping into the hole that so many others have. That was me not using my mind. That was me following that transparent line so many parents follows which is essentially, “I support you, kid. I feed you and keep a roof over your head, so quick bitching!” Of course, there is a very fine line between they things that allow us to survive properly (such as food and a home) and the emotional pains that we suffer. So many parents think because they’re “in power” and because it is to their credit that their children have a place to live that somehow this translates to them having the right to treat their kids however they damn well please. This perspective, beyond being utterly self-serving and pathetic, is just another creation of the ignorant part of our mind known as the ego.
    Now I’m not attacking all parents, obviously that’s not the case. Many children have grown up happy and in decent homes where their relationship with their parents and family is stable. And they should be happy and grateful for such an atmosphere. This is not a broad, flat out criticism of all people of our parents generation. But that disclaimer being laid down, the number of parents who serve as a more detrimental element in their kids’ lives as oppose to a positive one is staggering. And that’s why my perspective on these products of messed up, depressing and dysfunctional homes has changed. It’s easy to look at all these depressed and sad young people and fear what the future may hold. So many worry about whether or not these people will be assets at all in our society. But then I look at our society as it stands and I look at who’s in control. When we look at it what are the things that so many of us deem to be what matters in the world. There’s money, of course. Appearance; so many are obsessed with how they look and how others look. Status is also important, we all long to be known and revered (reputation). It’s all very material and shallow, which has played such a big part in what is so wrong with our pleasant world in the larger context. Why is our economy struggling so much? Because everyone’s thinking about profit, which often leads to cutting man power to save money. The have mores are gaining more which those who aren’t are finding themselves with even less. Why is marriage failing so much? It’s because we’re marrying for looks, status and money now more than ever before. You use such materialistic things as a platform for a relationship and a marriage and it will almost always fail or lead to a loveless marriage. And many of these marriages produce children who are forced to grow up underneath this lack of love.
    One doesn’t have to think too hard to realize this is a selfish world going about its selfish means and everyday we are seeing love and compassion flying out the window. We watch the job market fizzling and we start to think ‘well, I’ve just got to worry about myself.’ If our world comes to a point where in every case it’s all about looking out for number one I fully believe our society will crumble because there will be nothing to hold us together. Nobody would genuinely care about anybody else anymore. While I don’t want to make any grand claims or pose any ill-informed prophesies I fear we are slowly edging our way in this direction, and the more and more people that turn their life perspective in that way the more resentful we’ll become towards each other (because despite our ‘looking out for number one’ perspective we will still hypocritically expect others to take compassion on us) and the more and more we will slip away.
    That’s where my change in perspective comes into play. As much as I see kindness and compassion flying out the window for the sake of looking out for one’s own interests and the desire to have a life of security I think back again on that convention. I think back on looking around at those smiles of happiness and I look at the way these young people come together, they way they bond. When they watch their friend being treated poorly by their parents they are there for that friend because they can most likely understand where they’re coming from. This is a generation that is starving for love and attention because they’re not getting it from their parents. And as heart breaking as that is there is something to be gained in our present day world by this. And it’s the potential that this, what I believe to be a majority, of young people who are struggling and having to practically scream out to feel noticed or loved will begin to whittle away at this present day materialistically direction society.
    I pray the hunger and the desire that these young feel for love and compassion stays strong and that they never forget what it feels like to be alone and/or unappreciated. Because these may be our greatest asset at bringing love and compassion back into this world. I think everyone agrees that there’s something wrong in our world and that changes need to be made and I am truly beginning to believe that those who are struggling now may very well be that force that sparks that change. One of the strongest statements The Bible makes is that life is suffering and the more we suffer the stronger we will be. And I believe that, especially with the trials I have faced recently. I am nowhere near perfect or squared away right now but there are things I can do now that three years ago I never would have considered. Suffering does make us stronger because it’s a constant reminder against the odds of what we as people are capable of surviving through. And not one of us, if one is coherent, would deny that knowing we are loved by others during these trials makes us feel that much stronger. This honestly makes me worry less about the future, even with our addiction to material nonsense. I spoke with one of my aunt’s recently and we discussed the fact that one of the things our parents do perfectly for us is they show us all the mistakes and ways in which we should not live so we learn from those mistakes. As so many of us young people founder under the sadness and anger of the strain of our relationships with our parents the best thing we can take away is a deep and reflective understanding of that pain and frustration. This understanding can serve as a constant reminder of how one should and should not be towards others and hopefully that understanding can catapult us into a greater future where love once again becomes the ruler of all.

Today's Comedy

I had the good fortune to spend the earlier portion of today shooting a short comedy film. I've been shooting many short comedies recently as I work on polishing off my longer and more in depth serious pieces of film. I enjoy comedies but I don't think they're really my forte. When I make a comedy I tend to want to make it as absurd as humanly possibly because if I am going to make a real feel, down to earth film it always ends up being serious or more in the dramatic style. So when I shoot comedies sometimes it's just to have another film to my credit, they're often short 10 to 15 minute pieces that don't take long to shoot nor to edit. However, today was a different story. I shot a short comedy and for the first time in a long while I really enjoyed shooting a comedy (even though it too fits into the vein of being absolutely absurd). For the first time in a while I found myself needing to hold back laughter while the shooting was going on and it was just an all around wonderful experience. Needless to say then that I am avidly looking forward to cutting the piece together and seeing what it looks like all as one.

The plot, in short, follows a woman who is trying to go over court papers in preparation for going to court later that day after being arrested for sitting in her car wasted and screaming obscenities at the local police department. In her efforts to prepare for the day she is constantly hounded by solicitors offering a barrage of random products and services. With each successive solicitor the woman becomes a little more unhinged, which isn't to say she wasn't already somewhat unhinged, to the point of finally knocking one of them out and things get a little more crazy from there. As has become the often case, I had my friend Laura (yes the same Laura from my blog on my pee journey through Sellwood) play the lead and she knocked it out of the park, as was no surprise to me. This is the fourth film I've shot with her and every experience has been pleasant as I keep providing her characters that are more and more crazy. I've been very fortunate in general with the film talent I have been able to work with in the past year or so. On only a few occasions have I had the misfortune of working with less than professional and courteous talent. And I feel incredibly grateful for these talented actors who I've worked with, not one of which have I compensated financially for their performances, and yet they come to work every time and it's always a pleasure working with them. And seeing as my next major drama piece is going to have at least fifteen characters I am doubtful that at least a few of the roles won't be taken by those I have worked with before.

It feels pretty good to work with such respectable talent and to know that they enjoyed working with you and would be willing to work with you again in the future. Everyone look out on YouTube for a film titled "The Men At the Door", because that will be my work! I know this is a much shorter entry than I have posted before but what can I say, I have editing work to do.

An Emotional Take on Why I Study Crime

I should probably be asleep right now. It's pushing one in the morning and I have to be up before eight for a film shoot, but oh well, I'm young. I can't help but feel the urge to reflect on something. I have studied famous crimes in America for years. It's always intrigued me and anyone who knows me knows about my interests in crime. And I do get the periodic critique by those who don't understand why I do what I do and who look at this interest as a waste of time. Sadly, those who often throw this critique at me are people who think your free time is for little more than wasting. But it's a back and forth type of affair. They don't understand why I spend the time I do studying crime and I don't understand how they can be so passive towards it. The Kennedy assassination is my major area of study; I've been studying it since I was only 7-years old and I know most aspects of it inside and out. The reason I've dedicated so much study towards it is because of what the event represents for our country as a whole. Within five years our country was in the most turmoil it had been in since the Civil War. That was only followed by the Watergate debacle and all the insanity that has happened since then. Now it's hard to say how different things might be if Kennedy wasn't killed, but one thing's for sure, it couldn't get much worse had he not been killed. But his assassination changed the way we look at government and led the public as a collective whole to question and become pessimistic towards them. That event led to extreme changes in our country and, in effect, as a whole. That's why I study and try to be knowledgeable about events such as these, because this is where I live. If you don't know anything about your own country then don't complain about it. And studying events such as these help give you an honest perspective as to the way things work and function in our country, which is something most people are scared of knowing.

But it's not only famous crimes that I study. I study whatever attracts me, and sometimes that attraction is not as simple as having a crime surrounded by interesting events. Sometimes it has to hit you right in the heart to get your attention. And that happened to me tonight while I was doing something completely unrelated, and then it just popped into my head. It's a story that I have looked up before but has always been mixed in with all the other crimes I've studied. But for some reason my mind was more opened up than before and this event popped into my head and immediately I started looking up videos, photographs and information on the case. After being reintroduced to the case I have it in my plans to do a short film on the event, maybe around twenty minutes or so, if for no other to at least remind people of it because it's sadly such an obscure case. It's been used as a template for various cold case-style television programs, but being a true story, the real thing is so much more painful to examine. When I was first examining the case I stumbled onto a video create on YouTube that provided the base details of the case, playing to an instrumental version of "Amazing Grace" that had a major effect on me watching the imagery flow along amidst the melancholic soundtrack. And I'm someone who has seen many videos on many various heartbreaking crimes, but this one has had a much greater effect than others. This case is known as: The Boy in the Box. (the link to that YouTube video, if you want your heart to be ripped out, is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LImoCjRjpfQ)

"The Boy in the Box", also known as "America's Unknown Child" revolved around events that occurred in February, 1957 when the body of a boy, approximately four to six years of age, was discovered wrapped in a blanket and stuffed in a JCPenney box along a rural road on the edge of Philadelphia. To this day the child has never been identified. With the event having occurred over fifty-six years ago it's hard to believe that the boys true identity will ever be established. The potential for identifying him more or less hinges on the fact that there are trace amounts of DNA in existence so that small amount of hope much loom there. But sadly it seems that this small child was badly neglected and thus likely killed by whoever was supposed to be taking care of him, be it his parents or anyone else. The boys body was roughly around five-years of age but he had the size and weight of a child more around the age of three and a half. He had several scars on his body, some of which appear to have been surgical (which makes one wonder of there are records of him sitting in a hospital somewhere collecting dust). He had bruises all over his body from his head to his feet.

While there are a few websites and organizations who are trying to keep the memory of this child alive in the hopes of discovering his real identity someday the case is still so incredibly obscure and yet I think it's one of the most gripping unsolved crimes of all time. Sure it may not have the prestige or flare of higher profile unsolved crimes such as the Zodiac Killer and the Black Dahlia, but few other crimes can tear at the heart the way this one does. The Boy in the Box serves as a likely example of a child who even in only a few years of existence was never cared for and never loved, and yet children have a capacity for love, sensitivity and compassion that most adults can hardly imagine or comprehend anymore. I can't imagine taking the wondrous heart of a child and trying to comprehend the shattering feeling of going ignored and unloved. Sadly, nonetheless, there are so many children out there who feel this way and who are being horrible neglected and mistreated and it defies my logic. When you acknowledge that you can't comprehend the way these guardians behave the following answer is often that they are too stupid and sick to grasp what they're doing either. But that certainly doesn't give them a pass in my book. Whether you love little kids or now, regardless how annoyed you get when babies scream or little kids complain when they don't get that toy they want, there is still so much kindness and warmth running through their hearts, a warmth that our world really needs, especially now in this lazy and pessimistic time we live in. Such is one of the reasons I really enjoy the 2006 film "Children of Men", which specifically tries to convey the disheartened and war torn existence that may come about in a world without children.

And while the case is still unsolved there have been many suggestions as to who this child may have been and unfortunately none of those possibilities suggest a positive existence for this little one. Many people all over the east coast who had a background of child abuse or child abandonment were fingered as being possibly involved. There happened to be a large foster home that functioned similarly to an orphanage, taking in lots of children who didn't have or had been abandoned by their parents, that was stationed only a short distance from where this boy was discovered. There have been suggestions of mistreatment of the children who were kept here and the daughter of the woman who ran the house was believed to be mentally challenged. While no proof was ever presented tying those from this foster home to the crime for certain, it is of interest to note that one of the investigating officers on the case attended a yard sale that was done at the house and he stumbled upon a collection of plaid blankets (the boy had been wrapped in a plaid blanket) and a bassinet for sale (the JCPenney box the boy had been found it originally held a bassinet). He also noticed there was a duck pond right next to the house (when the boy was discovered they found that parts of his body had recently been placed in water for a prolonged period of time). With the strange way in which the people who ran this house conducted themselves there were many reasons to consider them to be suspects. It has even been argued that the man who ran the place may have impregnated his mentally challenged stepdaughter and thus this child was her illegitimate child.

Despite questions about its legitimacy (the woman who claimed this story refused to speak directly with authorities but only through phone calls and email before she clammed up and stopped talking to authorities all together), the most convincing story came from a woman who never game her real name, but claimed she grew up in the same house with this boy. She claimed that he had been horrible abused, kept locked in a cold basement and poorly fed (upon discovery, the boy was very malnourished). She claimed that in a fit of rage her mother, who was taking care of the boy, had killed the boy and went out with her brother to get rid of his dead body. What made this the most compelling for me was the fact that this woman told a story that matched perfectly with an eyewitness account from a man who drove past the site where the boy's body was discovered, and at the time she told her story this man's account had not been made known to the public so she couldn't have known that the police had corroboration for her story). She claimed that her mother and little brother drove out and abandoned the boy inside of a box along the road. But while they were taking care of moving the body a man drove by in a car and stopped, asking if they were having car troubles. Worried, she said her mom just turned away from the man and tried to ignore him. Then the man drove off. Well, according to the account of this eyewitness, he claimed that he pulled up to a location near where the boy's body was abandoned and saw a woman there with a young boy. He said he asked if they needed help and was surprised to see the woman turn her back on him as though she were ignoring him, and so he just kept driving. So either this woman was incredibly lucky in guessing at an event that the police had corroboration really happened or she was telling the truth.

But sadly, in the end, the case is still regarded as unsolved and we have a small child who likely suffered through a horribly painful existence. And that's why I study things such as this, in the hopes of understanding these events and helping to prevent such events from happening in the future. With the scientific and technical advancements we have now it's unlikely many cases such as the boy in the box will occur because we have so many more tools now to use to identify people, but the significance of this case goes beyond mere identification. And I know hearing about tragic stories like this troubles many people and they just don't want to deal with it; they throw out the classic, "Just because it exists doesn't mean I have to see it" argument. Well, the truth is yes, you do need to see it and to experience it because if you ignore things such as this you ignore a very sad reality of our world, that there are people out there that do things such as this. And just because it's the 21st Century and we're all so convinced that we are so much more advanced than before doesn't mean heart-shattering mind-blowing events such as the boy in the box don't still occur and won't continue to occur in the future. Ignoring the problem doesn't help it go away and if you ignore the problem you may as well say you don't care, because if you do you'd put your own ego aside and acknowledge the bad things we all must live with along with the good. It's not there to dwell on but to help us understand the world we live in a little better. It helps us take notice of what is going on around us so that when events such as this occur there will be more people in the know and a better chance of finding out what happened. And coming to terms with painful events such as these should not serve to dishearten us, as we often allow them to do, but to remind us of how wonderful everything we have is. It's easy to be passive or lack appreciation towards what we do have when we willingly ignore how horrible things could be. But when we acknowledge the pain that can and does exist out there we learn to love what we have a little more and to be stronger for those around us who are suffering the most and need more than just consolation, but also understanding.

I could go on and on about this, but it's pushing two a.m. now and I seriously need to get myself off to sleep. To all you parents out there who will wake up tomorrow morning to see your child, the apple of your eye, remember to kiss them and hold them close because they are the real proof of the miracle that is life. Never take your child for granted. Good night.