I was standing at the bus stop today, reigning in another rather hot day, and I started thinking about happiness, which quite often comes into my mind as I am one to always revitalize happiness within myself. I cannot stand feeling depressed. Even feeling slightly off bothers me deeply. I’ve always felt a sense of happiness is one of the most important things for us to feel and so many people out there aren’t particularly happy. But I feel happiness has to be worked for, it has to be earned. If one is simply given happiness they don’t really know how to appreciate nor do they really feel required to put something out to maintain that happiness. One needs to work towards happiness. Thus I am a firm believer in that old adage that you find appreciation for yourself through hard work. But today most people don’t want to work hard and everyday there’s a new contrivance coming out to make life a little more easier, at least that’s how it’s presented to us. But we get enough gaming consoles, laptops, the next smartphone, cars that practically drive themselves and so on and none of it truly, deeply makes us any happier nor does it help us feel driven to be productive.
I had the fortune of growing up just poor enough that I managed to gain the technology that most of my friends had some five years earlier. I learned how to get by without all those popular gadgets that so many of us believe we cannot live without. And now I have lots of them, I have the MacBook Pro, I have an IPad, just got my first smartphone a few months back and yeah it makes a lot of things easier in my life but they don’t effect me down to my core where we find ourselves and everything that truly matters. I have been a dedicated filmmaker for approximately three years now. I’ve shot over ten films and am knee deep in my most recent production (and my first feature). For every project I’ve ever done I’ve sweat blood and tears for it and on most of them I’ve had no crew but rather did everything myself aside from acting. For three years I’ve done that and I feel I’m finally at a place where after this newest production I’m going to make a turn and go into that next phase of my cinematic life. But no matter what happens after “Runaway Highway” is done, I doubt what lies ahead, no matter how larger the project is, no matter the budget, no matter what future works do for my reputation and so on, these last three years will probably be remembered by me as the greatest despite all of the hard lessons, cancellations, delays, disenchantment with a line or a shot here and there, and so on. In these last three years I’ve busted my ass, working full time on every project that I’ve done and probably none more than the one I am currently working on. And now I’m 29, I’m single (and really starting to hate it), I’m over $5,000 below the poverty line according to last years taxes, I don’t have a car and am currently living in the basement of a battered rectory home attached to my church. I could be bitter, I could be worn out, but I’m still happy. I really am because at the sacrifice of all those things that are so hard to let go or hold off on I have discovered who I am. Even just a few years ago I had no clue where I was going. I liked film. I wanted to be a writer, but had no clue the genre. I seriously fell into a hole and film saved me from that lost abyss.
With every successive project I’ve learned more and more about what I am capable of and how much I’m not only capable of but how much I want to give to be creative in the way that I am best set for. I have always believed that we must all survive together. No matter how wealthy we are, regardless our jobs, significant or insignificant, we really need each other so much more than we realize. You ever wonder why most people who live solitary lives often lose their minds? It’s cause we deep down need others in our lives and we need to be there to help those others to truly move towards our full potential as people. For me, utilizing all my talents, it’s through a lens and through stories that I best reach out to the world and connect to people, especially those who need to be connected with. Practically every film I’ve done deals with a serious personal problem (domestic violence, death, drug addiction, sex abuse, family estrangement, etc.), but every film ends with a touch or at least a twinge of hope. That’s my way of speaking to those people who have suffered so much more than I ever have who feel isolated, who want to give up, who wonder why they keep going. I try to express best I can to not give up. I was lucky to be born as one of those people that doesn’t know how to give up, and I’ve had my chances to. But not everyone works that way. The films I produce, and “Runaway Highway” is no different, are just fun creative little stories I create and shoot just cause I like making movies. If a film doesn’t have a deep inner human feel and purpose than I’m not interested in making it a reality for myself (I’ll gladly help others with their projects even if they happen to go in that direction).
What is “Runaway Highway”? It’s a story of a woman’s final journey with her sister sure. But at it’s core the film tries to speak to those who feel isolated. Few things hurt more than not just feeling isolation but also feeling there’s nothing you can do about it. No matter what you do, you can’t reach anybody. Every time that’s happened to me, which hasn’t been much, it’s just crushed me and it makes me think of the people that have to endure such treatment their entire lives by those “close” to them. Again, we all need each other and in particular when we are broken-hearted. While the primary character who experiences this sense of isolation is the character of Breanna, who suffers from bipolar disorder in a family more focused on their reputations than making her find a sense of meaning in a life of sadness and inconsistency. But that message of yes! Someone’s always there for you go’s beyond just people suffering emotional and psychological disorders but to anyone who has felt brushed aside. These people, the one’s pushed aside into the background to feel like they weren’t born to take on the world like others for any given bogus reason, who probably have just as much to give as anyone else. They need people there for them to be understanding or to speak up and say hey world! We’re all here and we’re not doing a damn thing to move forward as a species by brushing anyone aside. We all have to give to make these lives worthwhile.
That said I cannot stand people that just brush by or who do everything they can to avoid those extra ten minutes of work because they have some video game match to get to or they’ve got to get to sleep now cause they need to get twelve hours of that mess to get through the day. That being said I’m happy that I’m not one of a practically invisible minority who believe in going out there and making life happen, however that has to be, in order to find meaning and hopefully some happiness. I’m in the middle of shooting this feature and not one single person on it has been paid a penny for the work they’ve done. They’ve done it not just out of the goodness of their hearts but also because they feel that drive to be productive. And don’t be fooled, acting out one of my scripts is no easy feat. Anyone who has worked with me knows I love lots of dialogue and often have lengthy individual passages of dialogue that can take a while to memorize. And I can’t make those performances that I’ve got happen, but I can only give what I can to help make the environment with which we work something palpable enough that everyone there feels the production we are creative not only worthwhile but someone that we all feel almost has to be done. When the film no longer becomes purely mine but is taken ownership of by all those involved just by how important my cast and crew feels this project that they signed on for is more than I could ever ask for and yet it’s the working environment that I crave and best thrive in. “Runaway Highway” is about as close as I’ve ever come to that feeling and I feel I’m practically there. There’s not a lot of filmmakers who with no budget and still a growing reputation can get the talent that I’ve had and a talent willing to give a lot of time for such a project, regardless how good or bad the project appears like it will be. I’ve been spoiled rotten and blessed by that and as I continue to be focused on getting the film finished and getting the grunt work done before celebrating too soon I know I won’t really understand to the core how lucky I truly have been. But once the thing is finished being shot and I can sit back and take a breath or two I know that is going to hit me and it’s going to be an exhilarating feeling. We’re close. We’re doing something special and we’ll get it done the best we can, just as a group of engaged and energized guerrilla renegades!
Monday, July 13, 2015
What Do I Know About Sisters?
As I sit here and prepare to shoot my most recent film I am sure it could pop into a head or two: who is this “guy” writing a screenplay about sisterly love. Not only could I obviously have never experienced life as a woman with a sister, but I grew up as an only child. Thus I don’t even have any experience of any kind in having a sister. All my experience boils down to having three honorary sisters: one who was the daughter of my mother’s best friend, another my mom’s cousin who she referred to as her daughter when a guy tried picking her up at a bar, and a close friend who attended the same high school as me and posed as my younger sister for several months. That’s it. So where did my inspiration come to ponder and ultimately try writing a script that revolves so strongly around sisterly love?
Essentially from the beginning of my filmmaking I have always sought out female leads primarily because when I consider making my leads male or female I find much more depth in portraying the characters as female. In my last film, which revolved around a prescription drug addict suffering withdrawals, I wrote a collection of three flashbacks involving the female lead’s dynamic with her sister. I was surprised that both actors I had portraying the lead and her sister connected so well with the dynamic had between the two of them. In writing these sequences I was more driven by logic than anything else and a general understanding of an immediate family member’s desire to maintain faith in another family member struggling with substance abuse of some kind. We’ve all seen it on television programs where we see family members doing what they can for another family member who has been suffering under addiction for years with no desire to change their ways after being overwhelmed by said addiction. I saw this dynamic with the sister character as we experience life before the addiction as well as life within the addiction. For some reason this dynamic came very easily to me.
I feel this dynamic was a great help in my wanting to delve further into the notion of sisterly love, but under a new set of circumstances as opposed to a drug addiction. In my new film the struggle in the relationship stems from Belle’s sister Breanna and her bipolar disorder, coupled with her desired to avoid taking medication for her disorder. Thus the relationship they share is frequently tumultuous as was the bond between the sisters in my last film. But nevertheless this does not answer how exactly I came about writing such a film with characters so far removed from my own life experience.
I have done several films that have revolved around circumstances that I have never experience myself. And in every circumstance the talent I worked with were surprised that I was able to capture the experiences of these characters so realistically. And many of these individuals were people who had experienced similar circumstances to that of their characters. Whenever I think about this, and I don’t know how I capture these stories so realistically or where the inspiration to do so comes from, I flash back on my life over a decade ago. In conflict with who I am today, as a student back in middle school and high school, I was what one might predictably call “antisocial”, but really I was just incredibly shy and frightened of speaking up for fear of what people might think of me. Common for young people, but I took it to a whole extra level. I had very few friends in school, I couldn’t come close to looking at people when I spoke to them, I avoided conversation with acquaintances and strangers at all costs and beyond all this there was never really anyone there to help me get over that. But I don’t look back negatively on high school, there were lots of fun experiences. But one incredibly difference I felt as opposed to the experiences of most teenagers who want and crave attention, I was the one who sat quietly and observed over being the one that constant spoke with very little to actually say. Another thing that I grew up with was a constant reminder from my father that one needs to constantly exercise self perception with his or herself, meaning never assume what you personally believe can never change (something we all struggle with). This helped me look not only at myself but others more objectively and even as I became more outgoing and focused on new life experiences I kept these skills for perception and observation in looking at the varieties of different people in this world and how we all function. I feel growing up with those skills has allowed me to better understand those I have little personal connection to. Add many writings and a continued practice in screenwriting and story structures to that talent and I have found myself at my strongest letting my mind wander, allowing past observations inside and establishing the various characters in my films with an open perspective.
As a dramatic filmmaker the stories that grip me the most are ones steeped most in reality; the kinds of stories one can watch and feel they could personally experience something like that themselves or at least experience it vicariously through someone else’s life. There’s something so much stronger in the notion of reality, truth being stranger than fiction, than any kind of fantasy film ever made (despite the bank such films often make). So in writing a film revolving very much on sisterly love and a sister to sister dynamic I felt a natural drive to make these characters a realistic as possible without sacrificing a good story flow as well as an entertaining aspect. So one can call my writing on these two lead characters a combination of past drives, learned behaviors and experiences. And come on, it’s always interesting and gripping to learn and understand that which we cannot experience personally. This film is not only an intriguing new piece of work but also a personal venture in learning more about something that so many people have experienced outside of myself.
I think that’s it for now. There’s so much more to talk about on this film. And no worries... it’s coming.
Essentially from the beginning of my filmmaking I have always sought out female leads primarily because when I consider making my leads male or female I find much more depth in portraying the characters as female. In my last film, which revolved around a prescription drug addict suffering withdrawals, I wrote a collection of three flashbacks involving the female lead’s dynamic with her sister. I was surprised that both actors I had portraying the lead and her sister connected so well with the dynamic had between the two of them. In writing these sequences I was more driven by logic than anything else and a general understanding of an immediate family member’s desire to maintain faith in another family member struggling with substance abuse of some kind. We’ve all seen it on television programs where we see family members doing what they can for another family member who has been suffering under addiction for years with no desire to change their ways after being overwhelmed by said addiction. I saw this dynamic with the sister character as we experience life before the addiction as well as life within the addiction. For some reason this dynamic came very easily to me.
I feel this dynamic was a great help in my wanting to delve further into the notion of sisterly love, but under a new set of circumstances as opposed to a drug addiction. In my new film the struggle in the relationship stems from Belle’s sister Breanna and her bipolar disorder, coupled with her desired to avoid taking medication for her disorder. Thus the relationship they share is frequently tumultuous as was the bond between the sisters in my last film. But nevertheless this does not answer how exactly I came about writing such a film with characters so far removed from my own life experience.
I have done several films that have revolved around circumstances that I have never experience myself. And in every circumstance the talent I worked with were surprised that I was able to capture the experiences of these characters so realistically. And many of these individuals were people who had experienced similar circumstances to that of their characters. Whenever I think about this, and I don’t know how I capture these stories so realistically or where the inspiration to do so comes from, I flash back on my life over a decade ago. In conflict with who I am today, as a student back in middle school and high school, I was what one might predictably call “antisocial”, but really I was just incredibly shy and frightened of speaking up for fear of what people might think of me. Common for young people, but I took it to a whole extra level. I had very few friends in school, I couldn’t come close to looking at people when I spoke to them, I avoided conversation with acquaintances and strangers at all costs and beyond all this there was never really anyone there to help me get over that. But I don’t look back negatively on high school, there were lots of fun experiences. But one incredibly difference I felt as opposed to the experiences of most teenagers who want and crave attention, I was the one who sat quietly and observed over being the one that constant spoke with very little to actually say. Another thing that I grew up with was a constant reminder from my father that one needs to constantly exercise self perception with his or herself, meaning never assume what you personally believe can never change (something we all struggle with). This helped me look not only at myself but others more objectively and even as I became more outgoing and focused on new life experiences I kept these skills for perception and observation in looking at the varieties of different people in this world and how we all function. I feel growing up with those skills has allowed me to better understand those I have little personal connection to. Add many writings and a continued practice in screenwriting and story structures to that talent and I have found myself at my strongest letting my mind wander, allowing past observations inside and establishing the various characters in my films with an open perspective.
As a dramatic filmmaker the stories that grip me the most are ones steeped most in reality; the kinds of stories one can watch and feel they could personally experience something like that themselves or at least experience it vicariously through someone else’s life. There’s something so much stronger in the notion of reality, truth being stranger than fiction, than any kind of fantasy film ever made (despite the bank such films often make). So in writing a film revolving very much on sisterly love and a sister to sister dynamic I felt a natural drive to make these characters a realistic as possible without sacrificing a good story flow as well as an entertaining aspect. So one can call my writing on these two lead characters a combination of past drives, learned behaviors and experiences. And come on, it’s always interesting and gripping to learn and understand that which we cannot experience personally. This film is not only an intriguing new piece of work but also a personal venture in learning more about something that so many people have experienced outside of myself.
I think that’s it for now. There’s so much more to talk about on this film. And no worries... it’s coming.
An Introduction to My First Feature Film
Where does one begin with a new idea? It just comes from some little thought, some little spark from something completely unrelated, and next thing you know you have a scene. From that scene you have another... and then another... and then another. The more you write the more you find a story, the more you find your characters, the more you find a little taste of reality in what you’re doing. One day while working at the movie theatre I work at in Portland I was checking various auditoriums and walked in to check on the film “Wild” as I had done several times before in weeks previous. I knew the general plot line of the film but hadn’t actually sat down and watched it. But in this one particular check I suddenly got a wild hair about possibly writing something that revolved around someone going on a personal journey - much as Reese Witherspooon’s character did in that film. I didn’t know if I wanted it to be a script, a short story, a poem or what. I was already in the midst of writing another script about a woman who was abused as a child and facing the prospects of becoming a mother herself (a project I still hope to do some time down the road) and didn’t really think I was in a place to start working and getting distracted by another script. But nevertheless the though hung in there and soon a general thought began to develop into something more.
I decided rather quickly that if I was going to do anything with this idea it was going to be in screenplay form. It only took a few decisions to immediately grab my attention away. Firstly, I decided that I wanted this lone journey to also be done by a female character (I just write and like female character’s better) and I wanted her to be taking a personal road trip by herself. The obvious question to interject at this point was ‘why’? Why was this woman on the road by herself. And while in the midst of trying to figure that out the idea of the opening scene, the catalyst for the whole film, came to me. What sparked this road trip was a mix of the lead character, Belle’s impulsive behavior as well as a response in regards to the contempt she has for her family. I came up with an idea of a woman (Belle) stealing her sisters ashes from a funeral home on the eve of her memorial. That seemed such an interesting and quirky way to open a film, but it also calls on Belle’s morality in a time where she is fighting a lot of feelings over the recent loss of her sister. With this opening I had the spark and reasoning behind her road trip (to take her sister’s ashes to a specific place that had special meaning for both of them so as to have her own personal memorial).
I had also developed, without immediately knowing, the background for both Belle and her deceased sister, Breanna. Both characters came from a very uptight and status focused family wherein their objectives were to keep Breanna, who suffered from bipolar disorder, under wraps and heavily medicated so she would not do something to “embarrass the family”. Because of this, Belle took it upon herself to be Breanna’s primary caregiver and best friend being sisters and due to the fact that no one else in the family seemed willing to step up. Thus not only did Belle practically dedicate her whole life to trying to make Breanna’s life worthwhile and joyous as possible, but it developed a strong deviation and estrangement from their family. Thus, unlike their uptight family, Belle and Breanna grew up outspoken, direct and impulsive.
This aspect of their characters, and in particular for Belle who is the films main character, was a very important development for me and served as very significant in my desire to ultimately place the other film I was screenwriting on aside for the time being. While scripting the film about the abused woman becoming a mother I found myself just becoming exhausted with the whole project. In my three previous primary film projects one had dealt with the loss of a loved one, another dealt with harassment in the workplace as well as domestic violence, and my most recent dealt with a young woman struggling through withdrawals as a prescription drug addict. Writing these very dramatic pieces and then shooting them were very draining because of the subject matter and the fact that they dealt with social issues and required lots of research and introspection. This new piece was very much following that same pattern and once this new idea for “Runaway Highway” came into my mind I knew I had to follow it, primarily for two reasons. One, after working on these other draining, focused projects I needed, and I remember saying this directly to myself, I needed to work on a new script and a new film where I could become a little more uninhibited. Instead of writing something focused on a very specific issue I could just write a good story. Also, after producing these hard hitting dramas I needed something with a sense of humor to it. I am very happy with where that has taken me in terms of blending drama and comedy. I have often struggles writing comedy because I am a very spontaneously comedic person. I am my most funny on the spur of the moment so in sitting down and trying to focus and write comedy has always been difficult for me. But once the characters came out and I connected with them and really identified with how they would speak and behave the comedy just poured out of me in all the right places. These aspects of this new film were the most significant in leading me to turning things around and dedicating my time towards this new film.
I figured the script would have some length to it, it would probably be the longest film I had produced to date, but I had no idea it would become a legitimate through and through feature film as it has become. I came up with and wrote the bulk of the whole thing in less than a month. Once I started going there was just no stopping. I really got into the various characters in the piece, even the ones that are only in the piece briefly. And most importantly I feel this script represents very much who I am as a writer and the emotions and feelings I have about people and the things of this world. I feel the comedy is very much me but the film is still a drama at its core. As the piece came together and I got more and more of the writing done I discovered that this film was about so much more than just Belle’s personal journey. The film is really about sisterly love and that, no matter how different we are from one another, one thing we all have in common is that we are all, regardless how happy we may be or how together we may think we are, we are all running away from something. The film is not only about a young woman having to accept her sisters death and finding the courage to say goodbye, but it’s about going on living after tragedy. And it’s not simply finding a way to continue going on happily after losing someone so significant to one’s own life, but it’s also about accepting that the one you’ve dedicated your life to is gone and thus you need to finally put things in motion for yourself and making things happen with your life. There are so many dimensions to the piece.
As it stands now I am only weeks away from beginning shooting on the piece and I could not be more ecstatic. I wish we were shooting right now. I have a great cast of people on hand for the film, some of which I’ve worked with before and some I’m working with for the first time. This is just a little introduction to the film and primarily where the idea for it came from and the genesis in all things is an interesting story in and of itself. Look out for more entries here as I will continue writing and posting about the project between now and when this awesome picture is finally complete! Stick around, it’s going to be a great ride!
I decided rather quickly that if I was going to do anything with this idea it was going to be in screenplay form. It only took a few decisions to immediately grab my attention away. Firstly, I decided that I wanted this lone journey to also be done by a female character (I just write and like female character’s better) and I wanted her to be taking a personal road trip by herself. The obvious question to interject at this point was ‘why’? Why was this woman on the road by herself. And while in the midst of trying to figure that out the idea of the opening scene, the catalyst for the whole film, came to me. What sparked this road trip was a mix of the lead character, Belle’s impulsive behavior as well as a response in regards to the contempt she has for her family. I came up with an idea of a woman (Belle) stealing her sisters ashes from a funeral home on the eve of her memorial. That seemed such an interesting and quirky way to open a film, but it also calls on Belle’s morality in a time where she is fighting a lot of feelings over the recent loss of her sister. With this opening I had the spark and reasoning behind her road trip (to take her sister’s ashes to a specific place that had special meaning for both of them so as to have her own personal memorial).
I had also developed, without immediately knowing, the background for both Belle and her deceased sister, Breanna. Both characters came from a very uptight and status focused family wherein their objectives were to keep Breanna, who suffered from bipolar disorder, under wraps and heavily medicated so she would not do something to “embarrass the family”. Because of this, Belle took it upon herself to be Breanna’s primary caregiver and best friend being sisters and due to the fact that no one else in the family seemed willing to step up. Thus not only did Belle practically dedicate her whole life to trying to make Breanna’s life worthwhile and joyous as possible, but it developed a strong deviation and estrangement from their family. Thus, unlike their uptight family, Belle and Breanna grew up outspoken, direct and impulsive.
This aspect of their characters, and in particular for Belle who is the films main character, was a very important development for me and served as very significant in my desire to ultimately place the other film I was screenwriting on aside for the time being. While scripting the film about the abused woman becoming a mother I found myself just becoming exhausted with the whole project. In my three previous primary film projects one had dealt with the loss of a loved one, another dealt with harassment in the workplace as well as domestic violence, and my most recent dealt with a young woman struggling through withdrawals as a prescription drug addict. Writing these very dramatic pieces and then shooting them were very draining because of the subject matter and the fact that they dealt with social issues and required lots of research and introspection. This new piece was very much following that same pattern and once this new idea for “Runaway Highway” came into my mind I knew I had to follow it, primarily for two reasons. One, after working on these other draining, focused projects I needed, and I remember saying this directly to myself, I needed to work on a new script and a new film where I could become a little more uninhibited. Instead of writing something focused on a very specific issue I could just write a good story. Also, after producing these hard hitting dramas I needed something with a sense of humor to it. I am very happy with where that has taken me in terms of blending drama and comedy. I have often struggles writing comedy because I am a very spontaneously comedic person. I am my most funny on the spur of the moment so in sitting down and trying to focus and write comedy has always been difficult for me. But once the characters came out and I connected with them and really identified with how they would speak and behave the comedy just poured out of me in all the right places. These aspects of this new film were the most significant in leading me to turning things around and dedicating my time towards this new film.
I figured the script would have some length to it, it would probably be the longest film I had produced to date, but I had no idea it would become a legitimate through and through feature film as it has become. I came up with and wrote the bulk of the whole thing in less than a month. Once I started going there was just no stopping. I really got into the various characters in the piece, even the ones that are only in the piece briefly. And most importantly I feel this script represents very much who I am as a writer and the emotions and feelings I have about people and the things of this world. I feel the comedy is very much me but the film is still a drama at its core. As the piece came together and I got more and more of the writing done I discovered that this film was about so much more than just Belle’s personal journey. The film is really about sisterly love and that, no matter how different we are from one another, one thing we all have in common is that we are all, regardless how happy we may be or how together we may think we are, we are all running away from something. The film is not only about a young woman having to accept her sisters death and finding the courage to say goodbye, but it’s about going on living after tragedy. And it’s not simply finding a way to continue going on happily after losing someone so significant to one’s own life, but it’s also about accepting that the one you’ve dedicated your life to is gone and thus you need to finally put things in motion for yourself and making things happen with your life. There are so many dimensions to the piece.
As it stands now I am only weeks away from beginning shooting on the piece and I could not be more ecstatic. I wish we were shooting right now. I have a great cast of people on hand for the film, some of which I’ve worked with before and some I’m working with for the first time. This is just a little introduction to the film and primarily where the idea for it came from and the genesis in all things is an interesting story in and of itself. Look out for more entries here as I will continue writing and posting about the project between now and when this awesome picture is finally complete! Stick around, it’s going to be a great ride!
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