In my last entry I made mention that I was producing a new script and hopefully in the coming month I will be starting production on the film for it. In that last entry I was in the very early stages of having done some general research to help guide my character structure and written a few scenes; I knew where I was going with the piece. However, in the past week I have elevated my level of research, particularly in the area of reading specific accounts of people who went through what my lead character has gone through. This reading that I have done has completely changed things, in particular my drive and objectives as far as where this film can go.
For those who don't know, the film I am beginning work on chronicles a day in the life of a young woman who was sexually abused as a child by her mother. In my last entry I addressed where the idea came from, but in my recent examinations into information on such disturbing subject matter I found myself overwhelmed by the naive status of societies perspective on women and mothers in particular. Obviously this is not to say we have lived in a fools paradise about mothers, but what I have read in this case has really turned my insides. I'm just astounded to see that almost all women (or men for that matter) who have claimed sex abuse at the hands of their mother have gone disbelieved and ignored by family, friends and even therapists and counselors. This not only has served to worsen the pain and isolation of these survivors but in many cases, for those who came out when they were still children, it has allowed for them to continue to be abused, which is a sickening thought and supersedes any misguided thoughts we may have that no mother is capable of sick and sadistic behavior. Mothers are human beings like anyone else, many are great but some are downright horrible (and that's putting it lightly with some of the things I've read).
All that said, I cannot even begin to go into detail about some of the accounts I have read, even in a fairly open and unrestricted blog-like platform such as this. It's really that disturbing. And despite society's desires to believe that no mother could do such things to anyone much less their children, in my research I have found there are research and studies showing that, at the very least, over 4 million people have claimed to have been sexually abused by their mothers in this country. This detail combined with the overall number of people who have claimed to be sexually abused as children makes it seem like a rather small number and it's a fairly small percentage overall…. but it's still over 4 million people! That's huge! That's not a number that can be ignored. When literally millions of people are experiencing something as shattering as sex abuse from the very person who gave birth to you it can no longer be ignored or marginalized and that's exactly what's happening. So this has very much become an effort to get an important message out as much as it is a genuine, through and through film production.
Did you know that even in the FBI's rules and regulations about crime and laws they do not regard women as being capable of rape? In various different states statutes regarding rape and sexual assault reference male perpetrators only and almost exclusively having female victims. Now, at this point, I will openly admit that male sex offenders far outnumber female sex offenders, there's no question about that. I am in no way attempting to push an agenda that the raw numbers and evidence show equal levels with regards to men and women, but that being said it is equally insane to presume then that women are incapable of such things. In my research I found that in the state of Idaho, women literally cannot be charged with rape, meaning what would happen if an adult woman assaults another person against their will? What level of repercussions will she be held to? And that's not even the most important thing in my opinion, but rather it's the frustration notion that even at legal and governmental levels there is this presumption that women are incapable of sex crimes. And in our society many of those who have fallen victim to assault at the hands of their mother they are often met, in regards to the few who even believe them, with smirks and laughter as though it's laughable to think that being sexually abused by a woman could be all that traumatic of an experience. Well let me say, when you're a little child, your father isn't the only one that can overpower you. If you are a little 4, 5, 6-year old child you can easily be overpowered and hurt by an adult mother. So the notion that a mother could not hurt a child sexually is completely insane. And in practically every case regarding people who were assaulted by both their mother and male offenders (be they their father, stepfather, boyfriend, relative or some other type of male), the survivor expressed that the assault at the hands of their mother was far more traumatizing. And likely that fact is also an artifact of or societal norms and out beliefs that men can be aggressive and violent but women are all compassionate and loving care-takers.
Now all this said, again, I am not an angry man calling women out. The ratio of female friends to male friends I have is probably 4:1. I get along and in many ways respect women more than men, so this is hardly intended to be a ruthless attack on women and the notion that they can and often are very caring and compassionate. But the focus on my part in here is to open the door and cast a light in on a lot of people who are hurting and suffering because the rest of the world has slammed that door in their face. They grow up in pain and misery, never knowing what a normal and happy childhood is and in most cases a well-structured adult existence is. And in addition to that, most of them are treated as vile, disrespectful liars who would dare call their wonderful mother's out for what they sadly are. Again, if most of us have complaints about our mothers it's often that they love us too much, not that they abuse us and crush our very lives. Most mothers are great. I see them everywhere. Even the one's with difficult children I can still see the mothers care and are trying. But it is absolutely absurd that in this day and age where we all claim to be open and objective towards whatever realities exist out there, both wonderful and terrible, that we cannot believe that such things exist and exist in abundance. Remember: 4 million people! So I look to create as accurate a portrayal as I can of someone having experienced this type of upbringing and bringing to light the reality of what can happen under such circumstances. And hopefully the film will get some wide viewership and open the eyes of the people in our society so they can understand and learn to accept and thus find solutions to the deepest and darkest aspects of the human race. And sexually abusing your own children has to be right up near the top of that list.
So obviously I am a little heated on this topic, and I feel rightfully so, because I feel everyone needs to become heated like this so that maybe through the course of the near future these people will no longer be dismissed and swept under the rug but rather taken in and embraced by the rest of the world around them so they can feel a sense of being loved and belonging in a life where their mothers, or parents/guardians in general, failed them so horribly. So for anyone reading this, don't assume my words to be true. Do your own research. There's a great page that focuses in great detail on the sad reality of female sex offenders with a primary focus on mothers who have sexually abused their own children. Obviously, fair warning, much of what is posted on there is in detail and very difficult for some to read. But it's a sad reality at the same time that needs to be changed. The page, which is actually really a blog, is titled: http://www.femalesexoffenders.org. It's a good starting place to find raw information and links on this issue and from there you can see for yourself why it should be of no surprise that a little filmmaker like me would be amped up and driven to produce a cinematic piece of work to bring the reality more to light.
