I was standing at the bus stop today, reigning in another rather hot day, and I started thinking about happiness, which quite often comes into my mind as I am one to always revitalize happiness within myself. I cannot stand feeling depressed. Even feeling slightly off bothers me deeply. I’ve always felt a sense of happiness is one of the most important things for us to feel and so many people out there aren’t particularly happy. But I feel happiness has to be worked for, it has to be earned. If one is simply given happiness they don’t really know how to appreciate nor do they really feel required to put something out to maintain that happiness. One needs to work towards happiness. Thus I am a firm believer in that old adage that you find appreciation for yourself through hard work. But today most people don’t want to work hard and everyday there’s a new contrivance coming out to make life a little more easier, at least that’s how it’s presented to us. But we get enough gaming consoles, laptops, the next smartphone, cars that practically drive themselves and so on and none of it truly, deeply makes us any happier nor does it help us feel driven to be productive.
I had the fortune of growing up just poor enough that I managed to gain the technology that most of my friends had some five years earlier. I learned how to get by without all those popular gadgets that so many of us believe we cannot live without. And now I have lots of them, I have the MacBook Pro, I have an IPad, just got my first smartphone a few months back and yeah it makes a lot of things easier in my life but they don’t effect me down to my core where we find ourselves and everything that truly matters. I have been a dedicated filmmaker for approximately three years now. I’ve shot over ten films and am knee deep in my most recent production (and my first feature). For every project I’ve ever done I’ve sweat blood and tears for it and on most of them I’ve had no crew but rather did everything myself aside from acting. For three years I’ve done that and I feel I’m finally at a place where after this newest production I’m going to make a turn and go into that next phase of my cinematic life. But no matter what happens after “Runaway Highway” is done, I doubt what lies ahead, no matter how larger the project is, no matter the budget, no matter what future works do for my reputation and so on, these last three years will probably be remembered by me as the greatest despite all of the hard lessons, cancellations, delays, disenchantment with a line or a shot here and there, and so on. In these last three years I’ve busted my ass, working full time on every project that I’ve done and probably none more than the one I am currently working on. And now I’m 29, I’m single (and really starting to hate it), I’m over $5,000 below the poverty line according to last years taxes, I don’t have a car and am currently living in the basement of a battered rectory home attached to my church. I could be bitter, I could be worn out, but I’m still happy. I really am because at the sacrifice of all those things that are so hard to let go or hold off on I have discovered who I am. Even just a few years ago I had no clue where I was going. I liked film. I wanted to be a writer, but had no clue the genre. I seriously fell into a hole and film saved me from that lost abyss.
With every successive project I’ve learned more and more about what I am capable of and how much I’m not only capable of but how much I want to give to be creative in the way that I am best set for. I have always believed that we must all survive together. No matter how wealthy we are, regardless our jobs, significant or insignificant, we really need each other so much more than we realize. You ever wonder why most people who live solitary lives often lose their minds? It’s cause we deep down need others in our lives and we need to be there to help those others to truly move towards our full potential as people. For me, utilizing all my talents, it’s through a lens and through stories that I best reach out to the world and connect to people, especially those who need to be connected with. Practically every film I’ve done deals with a serious personal problem (domestic violence, death, drug addiction, sex abuse, family estrangement, etc.), but every film ends with a touch or at least a twinge of hope. That’s my way of speaking to those people who have suffered so much more than I ever have who feel isolated, who want to give up, who wonder why they keep going. I try to express best I can to not give up. I was lucky to be born as one of those people that doesn’t know how to give up, and I’ve had my chances to. But not everyone works that way. The films I produce, and “Runaway Highway” is no different, are just fun creative little stories I create and shoot just cause I like making movies. If a film doesn’t have a deep inner human feel and purpose than I’m not interested in making it a reality for myself (I’ll gladly help others with their projects even if they happen to go in that direction).
What is “Runaway Highway”? It’s a story of a woman’s final journey with her sister sure. But at it’s core the film tries to speak to those who feel isolated. Few things hurt more than not just feeling isolation but also feeling there’s nothing you can do about it. No matter what you do, you can’t reach anybody. Every time that’s happened to me, which hasn’t been much, it’s just crushed me and it makes me think of the people that have to endure such treatment their entire lives by those “close” to them. Again, we all need each other and in particular when we are broken-hearted. While the primary character who experiences this sense of isolation is the character of Breanna, who suffers from bipolar disorder in a family more focused on their reputations than making her find a sense of meaning in a life of sadness and inconsistency. But that message of yes! Someone’s always there for you go’s beyond just people suffering emotional and psychological disorders but to anyone who has felt brushed aside. These people, the one’s pushed aside into the background to feel like they weren’t born to take on the world like others for any given bogus reason, who probably have just as much to give as anyone else. They need people there for them to be understanding or to speak up and say hey world! We’re all here and we’re not doing a damn thing to move forward as a species by brushing anyone aside. We all have to give to make these lives worthwhile.
That said I cannot stand people that just brush by or who do everything they can to avoid those extra ten minutes of work because they have some video game match to get to or they’ve got to get to sleep now cause they need to get twelve hours of that mess to get through the day. That being said I’m happy that I’m not one of a practically invisible minority who believe in going out there and making life happen, however that has to be, in order to find meaning and hopefully some happiness. I’m in the middle of shooting this feature and not one single person on it has been paid a penny for the work they’ve done. They’ve done it not just out of the goodness of their hearts but also because they feel that drive to be productive. And don’t be fooled, acting out one of my scripts is no easy feat. Anyone who has worked with me knows I love lots of dialogue and often have lengthy individual passages of dialogue that can take a while to memorize. And I can’t make those performances that I’ve got happen, but I can only give what I can to help make the environment with which we work something palpable enough that everyone there feels the production we are creative not only worthwhile but someone that we all feel almost has to be done. When the film no longer becomes purely mine but is taken ownership of by all those involved just by how important my cast and crew feels this project that they signed on for is more than I could ever ask for and yet it’s the working environment that I crave and best thrive in. “Runaway Highway” is about as close as I’ve ever come to that feeling and I feel I’m practically there. There’s not a lot of filmmakers who with no budget and still a growing reputation can get the talent that I’ve had and a talent willing to give a lot of time for such a project, regardless how good or bad the project appears like it will be. I’ve been spoiled rotten and blessed by that and as I continue to be focused on getting the film finished and getting the grunt work done before celebrating too soon I know I won’t really understand to the core how lucky I truly have been. But once the thing is finished being shot and I can sit back and take a breath or two I know that is going to hit me and it’s going to be an exhilarating feeling. We’re close. We’re doing something special and we’ll get it done the best we can, just as a group of engaged and energized guerrilla renegades!
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