At the start of 2012 I was succeeding in school, rocking that 4.0, and had fallen head over heels in love; a love that I regrettably let go of. Still to this day do I regret that. Little did I know when I fell that I was going to fall into something else: a life crisis. I found myself becoming completely lost and overwhelmed. I began questioning whether I still wanted to do the whole film thing, and if I didn’t, what else was I going to do? I had been going to college off and on for years and it was wearing me out. I really didn’t want to start fresh again. I was becoming restless with my job. I wish I would have noticed at the time that the only thing I felt good about was my relationship. And of course, ironically, that’s the one thing I screwed up. As a turnaround, now I feel so much stronger and confident in those things I was so unsure about then. Now the only empty space I have is that desire to have that special someone to share it with. By April 2012 I was in a staggering depression that had my in frantic tears everyday. I was snapping at everyone. I honestly thought I was going to have a complete breakdown. It took a long time to get out of that.
As springtime rolled into summer I gave myself an ultimatum. There was a DMC 264 class, which was a digital filmmaking class where we would learn more of the grassroots work into working as a crew and putting a production together. I told myself if I still didn’t feel that drive for filmmaking when that class was over I was going to start fresh with something else. I remember exactly when I first felt things turning in the right direction again. I was at a family gathering where I saw my father for the first time in over three years and I overheard a conversation between some people in another room. There was a guy there who was going to college in Washington and attracting all sorts of attention in the NFL. A career, large paycheck and security seemed to be a lock if he took that route, but I heard him say he didn’t want that. He was studying child psychology and wanted to go into work in that field. Just seeing that, someone who had a chance to go for the money but instead was letting it go for something he really wanted. I had honestly been considering going into nursing for a couple weeks and I realized I was doing the opposite. I was chasing a career with almost guaranteed work and good pay instead of going after what I really loved.
That day kicked my butt back into gear. I enrolled in the class and found I quickly learned the ropes and, beyond all else, had my first experience using a DSLR camera. I was like a kid in a candy store. Within months I would own my own DSLR and in a life where practically everything I own ends up collecting dust or ending up broken somewhere, that DSLR is as shiny and spotless as the day I pulled it out of the box. But my greatest challenge was yet to come. In the final three weeks of the term we were given our final project, which was to create a 5-minute long film using the skills we had learned and the equipment we had there at our disposal. I was the only person in the class who decided not to work as a crew with others in the class. I thought I had help with some friends but that ended up not working out. I ultimately found myself with a script that I had whittled down to five pages from fourteen and had suddenly less than three weeks to try and cast it and get the thing done all by myself.
Casting was incredibly tense. It took me almost a week along just to cast and get two different shooting days set. I literally had about an hour to fool with the DSLR and sound equipment I had checked out, none of which was I particular proficient in. I figured it was going to be a total amateur job. I was just flying by the seat of my pants. I figured if I could pull a movie out of my ass with the odds so stacked against me I was destined for this type of work.
The script, that I ultimately titled “Trapped” when a more creative title just wouldn’t come, was based on a longer script about a crazed man who marries well-to-do women and then kills them off so as to collect their money. He is also an inventor of sorts who hides his weapons and tools in the form of common household items so as to not attract suspicion. He keeps all of these in a house out in the middle of nowhere where the visions of a suburban world seem out the houses windows are merely projections. The house is really like a prison where the man can keep his victims. His newest wife, Arianna, catches on to the fact that the house is just a ruse and in her efforts to escape she ends up trapped in the basement when her husband arrives. The focus then is to see if she will escape or even survive the encounter.
I, again, had little idea of what I was doing but the two actors I worked with were incredibly easy to work with and were cool with the fact that I was just propping the boom mic somewhere while I operated the DSLR the best I could. I used every possible second to work on that film. After completing the shoot I was in the lab at school editing for every single moment that the lab was open. The crappy lab hours and having to bus there practically every day were reason enough for me to finally purchase my first Mac only about a month and a half later. During this time I was having to reintroduce myself to working with Final Cut, which again later became no problem. It was an incredibly stressful and yet invigorating experience. I literally completed the film with twenty minutes to spare on the last day I had to work on it before it was due.
Upon presenting the films on the last day of class mine got shoved right into the middle. As far as all the projects went mine was definitely the one with the odds stacked most against it, named because I had no crew. We showed the five or six films made in the class and when all was said and done I knew I was into this film thing for the long haul. I was completely shocked. My film obliterated the work of everyone else in the class, and that’s not me saying that but those in the class. One girl walked up to me when it was over and said, “That was so good! It was like... a real movie!” I know what she was driving at and it was an incredibly sweet thing to say. Not to sound egomaniacal about it, but that was the first moment that I realized how strong my talents really were. To have my back against the wall and come out miles ahead of everyone else in the race? More than anything else I saw that I truly had the raw talent to make it in film. For years before I had watched so many films and wondered how they got the cinematography to look like that. How did they make it work? With a little study, some handle tools and, of course, a higher grade camera, I was beginning to figure it out. I found myself shooting for the stars from this moment on and I’m eternally glad that I haven’t looked back.
Can be found on YouTube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXS369iJE2o
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