My Greatest Love

I was a writer long before I became a serious filmmaker. If you would have asked me five years ago where I thought I would be now it would be writing... writing like a lunatic. But as a filmmaker who writes a lot of his own stuff that isn't necessary inaccurate. But it should be fairly clear just in these few statements that I consider myself to be a creative, artistic person over being, let's say, a technical person. But even that is hardly inaccurate. I enjoy the editing portion of film making, I honest to God enjoy sitting there for some 12 to 14 hours at a time, blood shot eyes, legs cramping as I power my way through an endless and obscenely detailed editing session. I've been the same way in my writing as well. There have been more times than I can count where I sat for hours and hours writing. I spent the two summer breaks I had during middle school focused on writing. I wrote a novel during each summer and they were ridiculous, but I was only 12 and 13-years old.

All right, before I go off rambling too much, the point of what I have written above is to acknowledge the ever-bursting love I have for creativity. That's why I write. That's why I film. It's to create something that never existed before. I know everyone who gets a pen, a paintbrush or a camera placed in their hand claims they are going to make something different (and then 95% of them make not only the same crap that has been made before but they make that same exact thing over and over again). They may have a love or at least they enjoy the craft or the process of putting a film together, but if you want something truly impressive and stimulating you have to look at it as something more than that. I've been doing film since 1998 when I was still in the midst of puberty. But of course film making was hardly even a hobby for me back then. I did it for fun for years. I just enjoyed it but I never felt any serious drive to pursue it as a career until a few years back. Like so many others I enjoyed the craft and so I got involved in it. However, once I got to that place where I wanted to make a transition and start taking it more serious I encountered a great deal of frustration because things didn't just change over night. I still hadn't developed that love of the craft; that love that comes only through dedication, and dedication to the point of near obsession sometimes. And if you don't have that love you will find your talent peaking quick and not anywhere near where you want it to be. Like anything else one hopes to leave their mark on, in order to find that success you have to be willing to do whatever it takes.

I shot a film in the fall of 2012 as a college portfolio project called "The Way We Are". I have since used the film to send as a link to actors and crew people I have desired to work with because it was so well received by everyone I have shown it to and who the actors I worked with have showed it to. For a project I am currently working on I managed to get a very talented soundtrack artist to work for free on the project (or rather he was so interested in working with me that he was willing to do whatever it took to become a part of the project). But when we met he made a point of mentioning "The Way We Are", which I sent to him and he said he was completely astounded that a college film project could be so visually impressive in correlation to a story that was gripping and unpredictable. Even after watching it a few times it has become one of my personal favorites if I had to choose from the work I have done. Now I didn't run all that off to sit here and pat myself on the back, but rather to help me segue into a description of how the production of "The Way We Are" went down. So here goes...

This course I took, which was focused on me taking what I had learned and making a film project, started at the end of Septbemer, 2012 and the final due date was December 7th. I had spent the better part of August preparing for a film that naively believed could be shot in a couple of weeks (in short, it was a 50 page script with 62 scenes). I pushed through with it but found out after the first week that this project was just not going to get done without cutting corners. So there I was in early October starting from scratch with no storyline, no cast. I revamped what was a horrible script and in just a few days I racked my brain to turn the story into something gripping. I ultimately took a story that was a rape victim looming around her home (just a modest look at the after effects of someone who experiences being raped) and turned it into a story about that same victim going out and working the day after becoming a repeat rape victim and when she becomes stranded the man who comes to her aid is the man who attacked her the first time years before. I won't spoil it any further from there. I struggled and lucked into two fantastic local Portland actors, Heather King and Jeffrey Arrington, to play the leads. I finally got the first shooting date done with Heather and then the vehicle we needed broke down for two weeks, stalling shooting. So it wasn't until early November before we could pick up and finish shooting. I only had Jeffrey for a week, so we managed to cram four days of shooting in there (two of which I was suffering a 101 degree temperature - boy was I getting loopy). Everything was rushed and a struggle, but we managed to get the shoot done with equipment I was still familiarizing myself with. And there was no crew! It was just me, working both the camera and the audio equipment (again, due to time constraints), just going out there and shooting it old school with my actors. Then I had about two weeks to cut together a 41 minute film, in which I dug in and edited... and re-edited... and re-edited. I was literally up till three a.m. the night before the final piece was due making sure everything was as good as it possibly could be. It was a chaotic journey and a learning experience when all was said and done. But considering all of those obstacles and circumstances it probably wouldn't have been a surprise to anyone if the film turned out mediocre. But it's received complete and total applause from everyone who's seen it and even I enjoy sitting down and watching it, sometimes surprised how I pulled it off.

But why did I pull it off and pull it off so well if everything was such a struggle? It's because I love this thing we call film. I love the writing, the creation. I love the shot listing, taking the vision bouncing around in my head and getting it down on paper. I love going out there and shooting be it in a cramped studio apartment on a 100 degree day our out shooting in an open field in the dead of night with the temperature teetering on freezing and a brisk wind blowing through as well. And then, when all is shot, the final stage of cutting everything together to see the final results of all that labor. I love every stage of it and thus I have great practice in all of those phases. But experience only caries you so far. To be a success in film you have to have a creative vision and a creative mind and to not feel deterred if you see someone else who you think might be a better writer or have a more creative vision than yourself. We all get scared that we're not good enough or that the way we want to go and succeed might be a mistake. But you have to give your mind time to search and create. A fantastic story is not going to come to you in its entirety in one flash of a moment. It comes in stages. It may start with just a concept, or maybe a great idea for an opening to a film comes to might and you let it expand from there. Sometimes the opposite occurs and you come up with a fantastic ending for a story and you have to figure out how to get from a beginning to that ending. It requires a lot of time and, above many things, it takes sacrifice. You may come up with a scene you absolutely love and want to incorporate into your film. Then you find the overall piece is a little longer than you want and you find yourself struggling with weather to cut that scene you really like. Enjoying a scene you do for yourself is one thing, but you have to remember what also matters is how enjoyable or significant will that scene be to those who view it. You have to ask yourself the question of: Is this scene necessary in the film? And often times the answer to that question comes clear and fast. But in the end, if that love is not there, if it's all about making money or being technical, or trying to make everyone think you're an "artist" and you're just so deep people can't handle it, you'll never achieve to the best of your capabilities because there will always be some ulterior motive that guides you in your efforts instead of the pure love of the craft that let's you not only take good ideas and make them better but, in my case with the development of "The Way We Are", we can even take bad ideas and transform them completely into something wonderful. But that doesn't happen on its own. There's no magic wand to shake around. It all comes down to what you are willing to give and sacrifice for this thing you claim you love and long to spend your life doing. It took me many years. I wish I had it all figured out when I was 18 and graduating high school, but like so many people it took me a long time to figure out who I really was. But I can't honestly say I would change my past because it took everything I experienced before this time to carry me to where I am today. I've finally found my love; that crazy thing I want to dedicate my life towards.